SCP-3834

Description

SCP-3834 is the collective designation of 24 phonographic records individually designated SCP-3834-A through SCP-3834-X. Instances of SCP-3834 are approximately 30.5 centimeters in diameter, and possess no physical or chemical differences from standard phonographic records. All instances of SCP-3834 were discovered within a combination locked safe unearthed during a paleontological excavation in █████████, Montana. The safe was encased in sedimentary rock approximately 760 meters below ground prior to its recovery, along with the remains of several instances of Troodon formosus. Radiometric dating of these remains indicates that they are between 75.5 and 77 million years old. The stone surrounding the safe displayed no signs of disruption indicative of artificial burial, suggesting that SCP-3834 was incased through natural processes. Aside from their location of discovery, SCP-3834 instances possess no inherent anomalous properties.

Instances of SCP-3834 each contain between 40 and 45 minutes of content, with degraded sound quality indicative of repeated usage. Most content contained within SCP-3834 consists of songs which were popular between the late 1950s and late 1960s, from notable artists such as The Beach Boys, Chuck Berry, and Engelbert Humperdinck. All songs contained on instances of SCP-3834 are performed by the same entity, designated SCP-3834-1. SCP-3834-1 has a voice resembling that of an adult human male, and is introduced at the beginning of each recording as Don Hartley. This name is the same as that of a traveling musician who was declared missing on ██/██/2004.

At the start of each record, SCP-3834-1 is introduced by a separate entity, designated SCP-3834-2. SCP-3834-2 has a distinctly inhuman voice, but speaks intelligible English, and generally spends between 10 and 45 seconds describing SCP-3834-1 in a positive and enthusiastic manner. Although most of these introductions focus on SCP-3834-1’s musical abilities, certain descriptions focus on other traits and past actions of SCP-3834-1. These descriptions suggest that SCP-3834-1 was a figure of great social influence at the time of their recording, and possibly a governmental or religious figure of some kind (see Addendum 3834.1).

In addition to SCP-3834-1 and SCP-3834-2, miscellaneous noises can be heard on SCP-3834 instances which suggest additional entities were present during their initial recordings. These include the sounds of various musical instruments, including but not limited to electric guitars, bass guitars, drum sets, cellos, trumpets, and trombones. The sound of applause can also be heard between individual songs, along with noises resembling barking and screeching. The exact number and nature of the entities involved in the creation of SCP-3834 is currently unknown.

Addendum 3834.1: SCP-3834 Notable Transcripts

Instance: SCP-3834-A

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SCP-3834-2: Welcome, ladies and gentlesaurs, to the debut performance of the one and only Don Hartley! The being who, just a few short moons ago, emerged from his box of lightning, and gave us the gifts of fire and speech, is now here to give us his third and greatest gift yet, a little thing that he likes to call music. Now, don’t let his looks fool you, he may not have claws or a tail, but that doesn’t mean he won’t get you clappin’ and shakin’ yours! [several unintelligible clicking sounds are heard, possibly laughter] But seriously folks, a lot of hard work has gone into this show, so sit back, relax, and prepare to have your earholes blown clean off!

(Applause)

END TRANSCRIPT

Instance: SCP-3834-F

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SCP-3834-2: Good evening, everyone, and welcome to another showing of the most sensatious cretaceous musical phenomenon around, Don Hartley! Traveler of the lightning box, bringer of the three gifts, blah blah blah, you all know the story. [unintelligible clicking] We’ve got a great show for you all tonight, and remember, if you want to take some of the magic back to your families, we’ll selling records after tonight’s performance of all Don’s greatest hits. Feel free to pick one up on your way out. Now, without further adieu, let’s get on with the show. Take it away, Donny!

(Applause)

END TRANSCRIPT

Instance: SCP-3834-J

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SCP-3834-2: Hey, hey, hey, everybody! We’ve got another spectacular show for you all toni-

SCP-3834-1: Hang on, hang on. Thanks for the intro, Jim, but do you mind if I take it from here?

SCP-3834-2: Oh, sure, of course

SCP-3834-1: Thank you. Now, you all know It’s been a while since I’ve put on one of these shows, and I just thought I’d have a little heart to heart with you all for a moment. The truth is, well, the truth is I’ve been trying to go home.

(Gasps)

SCP-3834-1: Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t love it here. You guys are like family to me. It’s just that this isn’t what I had planned. I’ve spent all my free time since I came here trying to fix the machine, but I think it’s busted for good. I don’t think I’ll ever get to go home.

(silence for 6 seconds. Quiet murmuring can be heard)

SCP-3834-1: But I didn’t get on this stage tonight just to whine. I came here to tell you all that I’ve accepted my situation. If I had to do it again, I don’t think I’d want it any other way. I’ve gotten to put on these shows, and be a rock star just like I’ve always dreamed, and I got to meet all of you. You’re the ones who made this all possible, and for that, I thank you.

(Applause)

SCP-3834-1 Alright, Now that I’ve said what I’ve needed to say, we can get into what you all really came to see. We’ve got a spectacular night planned for you guys. In honor of my tenth live performance, we’ll be playing all your favorites, plus some new ones I’ve been saving for just this occasion. So please, enjoy the show!

(Applause)

END TRANSCRIPT