SCP-3710

Description

SCP-3710 is a single dog-sled team are two dog sled teams consisting of the following components:

• 8 cybernetically enhanced dogs, resembling those found in SCP-2624. Each dog possesses a miniaturized methane fueled Raptor rocket propulsion device in place of a rectal cavity. Propulsion is believed to be fueled by digestive byproducts.
• 1 sled composed of composite wooden material demonstrating physically impossible resistance to both the excessive heat and force produced by the dogs. Is equipped with 2 Raptor methane fueled rocket propulsion devices, and a giant white X painted across the bed.
• SCP-3710-1 is a single humanoid individual are two humanoid individuals claiming to be Canadian-American business magnate and billionaire, Elon Musk. Both SCP-3710-1 instances show significantly different baseline physical, with the exception of the face, and behavioral traits from Mr. Musk. The entities possess 4 arms and prominent horns protruding from the top of their skulls. Despite continuously quoting Musk in all recorded interactions, SCP-3710-1 instances communicate in a manner closely resembling that of door-to-door salespersons. SCP-3710-1 exhibits a low level memetic effect, causing any individual who views the entity to perceive them as actually being Elon Musk.¹

SCP-3710 manifests at random intervals along the route of the annual Iditarod, primarily during the 140km stretch of trail between Nenna and Manley Hot Springs, Alaska. SCP-3710 will follow targeted race participants above or alongside the trail until it is within vocal range.² Once SCP-3710 has pulled within vocal range of its target, SCP-3710-1 will make attempts to persuade the race participant to purchase the most recent product being produced by one of Musk's companies.

As the majority of products sold by Musk's companies are more expensive than race participants can actively afford, in 95% of cases the targeted party will refuse the offer. SCP-3710-1 will attempt multiple times to convince the targeted party. Should the party refuse 3 or more times, SCP-3710-1 will state its lack of interest in attempting to negotiate further. At this point, SCP-3710 will employ its propulsion devices, and either demanifest or move to the next target.

When directly pursued by individuals not currently engaging it in business negotiations, SCP-3710 will demanifest, or activate its propulsion devices. Activating its propulsion devices in mountainous or icy terrain increases the probability of significant environmental hazards occurring, in addition to causing severe burn or blunt force wind damage to any individual caught in the jet stream.

Discovery:

SCP-3710 first appeared during the 1995 Iditarod, at which time SCP-3710-1 attempted to sell Zip2 software licenses to 15 different racers at $50,000 per licence. Following the initial manifestation, Foundation personnel contacted Elon Musk about his whereabouts during the Iditarod, at which point they determined that he had been on tour in New York City at the time of initial manifestation.

An initial attempt was made to capture the entity utilizing several 6 operatives posing as racers. SCP-3710 successfully evaded all members of the team via activation of its propulsion device, burying 4 personnel beneath an avalanche. 2 additional personnel were killed in the attempt when they were launched by SCP-3710's jet-stream into a grove of trees.

3]

SCP-3710-1: "Greetings valued customer! When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor. Brand is just a perception, and perception will match reality over time. Sometimes it will be ahead, other times it will be behind. But brand is simply a collective impression some have about a product. Speaking of products, would you be interested in our brand new Tesla electric car?"

Agent McCormick: "Are you supposed to be Elon Musk?"

SCP-3710-1: "Supposed to be? My good ma'am I am the one and only Elon Musk. We have a strict 'no-assholes policy' at SpaceX, and I would be in violation of that if I were an imposter! Now, would you be interested in purchasing a Tesla for only $203,000?"

Agent McCormick: "I can't afford that."

SCP-3710-1: "Come on, when Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars, people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' That was a huge bet he made, and it worked. I always invest my own money in the companies that I create, and you should too! What would you say if we lowered the price to 150,000 just for you?"

Agent McCormick: "That's still too expensive."

SCP-3710-1: "I do think there is a lot of potential if you have a compelling product and people are willing to pay a premium for that, but obviously if you don't have the cash, I can't make you buy. I'll make one final offer, for just a small loan of $50,000 you could be driving your new Tesla as soon as tomorrow! Whaddya say?"

Agent McCormick: "$50,000? I can work with that."

SCP-3710-1: "Excellent! Thank you for doing business with Tesla Industries. As a thank you from us to you, we're including this once in a lifetime bonus with your purchase: rocket propulsion cybernetic enhancements for you and your team! Thank you for shopping Tesla, remember: The first step is to establish that something is physically impossible; then cybernetic surgery will occur. This is an automated message, please wait 5 seconds for [UNINTELLIGIBLE]."

Agent McCormick: "Rocket propuls-"

[Agent McCormick promptly cuts out, for the next 5 seconds her sled dogs audibly whimper before the recording ends.]

END LOG

Postword: Following loss of contact with Agent McCormick, a team of retrieval operatives were deployed to the last recorded GPS contact. Agent McCormick and the accompanying sled dogs could not be located, although her sled remained in the middle of the trail. Later investigation discovered the transfer of $50,000 from a Foundation front company to the sales account of Tesla Inc.

Update: 03/23/17

3 weeks following the events of the above audio log, Agent McCormick's GPS tracker reactivated in shallow waters off the coast of Tahiti. Retrieval teams recovered Agent McCormick and a fully functioning Tesla Model 3.⁴ Agent McCormick had sustained significant cybernetic surgical modification, including replacement of the lower jaw and esophagus with a Raptor propulsion device. McCormick was found alive in the trunk of the vehicle, with a hand written note attached to her forehead.

Thank you for purchasing from Tesla Incorporated!

We deeply regret the conditions under which we are forced to return your representative. An accident occurred when they attempted to prevent the agreed upon dog modification, as stated in Article 1 subsection 3 of our verbal purchase agreement: "Upon purchase, the customer shall cede all dogs in his/her possession for propulsion modification, in preparation for SpaceX's excursion to Enceladus."

Please take the time to fill out this survey at [COGNITOHAZARDOUS URL REMOVED]. Your monetary and dog contribution to the Tesla-SpaceX rocket dog initiative is appreciated! We hope you shop with us again.

Elon Musk

Update" 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