SCP-3402

Site-1923's Fruity Construction Crew

Object Class: Esoteric

Special Containment Procedures

As there is no current way to predict exactly when and where an SCP-3402 instance will make landfall, a team of agents is to remain at Site-████ to monitor all local news networks for reports of SCP-3402-1.

Upon receiving a report, the team of agents are to make their way to the affected area and either contain or neutralize the entities. Following the successful containment or neutralization of the entities, amnestics are to be administered to all involved and a minor disinformation campaign (See Protocol-3402-MOTHMAN for exact details) is to be carried out. These containment procedures have been deemed outdated as of █/██/2019 and have been archived.

Description

SCP-3402 is an anomalous phenomenon affecting the northwest coast of South America¹, where an unknown variant of pineapple appears on a largely uninhabited area along the coast. The object typically remains on the coast for several hours before a humanoid entity (designated SCP-3402-1) emerges from the object. The instance will then proceed to construct a single floored building out of the materials in it's immediate vicinity. After approximately █ hours, the instance will kneel in the center of the building, and a new SCP-3402-1 instance will emerge from it's chest. It is of note that the original SCP-3402-1 instance will typically ignore the damage done to it's body by the second instance's emergence.

This process will continue for █ days, until there are at least ██ instances and █ buildings. The instances will then build a fire next to the SCP-3402 instance before placing the object into the fire. Following this the instances will then position themselves overtop of the fire, dissolving into chunks of pineapple in the process. After all SCP-3402-1 instances have been destroyed, the pieces of the entities will merge to create an SCP-3402-2 instance², which if unimpaired will proceed to the nearest body of water. The instance will then enter the body until it is fully submerged. A dull red glow can then be observed around the instance before it disappears by unknown means, leaving a seemingly random object. A list, shortened for relevancy of the objects contains:

Seven non-anomalous hammers composed of a brown, brittle material. Further testing has confirmed that the material is a form of enhanced coconut shell.

Four non-anomalous construction helmets with the words "Property of ████████ Inc." written on the inside along with an address. Attempts to track these addresses have shown that they all trace back to non-anomalous warehouses owned by Foundation front companies.

Two glass jars of varying size containing sand. Personnel who made physical contact with the sand report a mild calming sensation upon touching it. A feeling of mild distress was also reported after physical contact stopped.

A non-anomalous plastic deck chair. It is of note that the fingerprints of ██████ ████, a current Foundation field agent with Level 2 Clearance were found on the object. Mr. ████ has not been informed of this.

A Foundation-issued identification card belonging to ████████████ ████████, who is apparently a senior researcher with Level 3 Clearance. Subsequent checks in the Foundation database have shown that no individual by that name is currently or formerly employed by the Foundation.

Addendum: On ██/█/2019, an SCP-3402-1 settlement was discovered by █████ ██████████, a resident of the nearby town of ████ and alerted to the Foundation via a call under his name to the local radio station reporting "a giant fucking pineapple man". Several Foundation agents were deployed to the site under the guise of a local news station and an interview with Mr. ██████████ occurred. The following is a transcript of the interview.

Interviewed: Mr. █████ ██████████

Interviewer: Agent ███████

Foreword: This interview was originally conducted in Spanish, and has subsequently been translated into English following it's upload to the Foundation database.

<Begin Log, [16:12:56]>

Agent ███████: Good afternoon, Mr. ██████████. I'm Maria Perez from ███ ███████ News Network.

Mr. ██████████: Oh, uh good afternoon Ms Perez! I'm █████ ██████████.

Agent ███████: So, you called into the local ████ radio station reporting a "pineapple man walking into the ocean". (laughs) Well, I don't see anything!

Mr. ██████████: Well, you just missed it. First there were these skinny ones, like a whole bunch of them.

Agent ███████: And what happened to them?

Mr. ██████████: Well, you see that fire over there? (points to the fire constructed by the SCP-3402-1 instances) They all jumped into it and… and created this bigger one!

Agent ███████: A bigger one?

Mr. ██████████: Y-Yeah! Then that one, like it seemed to notice me. It turned its head around and said "█████, I need you to give this to someone. They're gonna love it." And! And then he hands me this note! pulls a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket, the Foundation crest can be seen at the top

Agent ███████: And what does it all mean?

Mr. ██████████: I-I don't know. I guess you guy should probably have it, since it's like evidence and all. (he passes the paper to Agent ███████)

Agent ███████: What happened next █████?

Mr. ██████████: Oh, h-he just walked into the ocean and vanished.

Agent ███████: (turns to Agent ███, who is holding a camera) Well, you heard it here first! Pineapple men are appearing from outer space to deliver letters to persons unknown! Back to you in the studio, Juan!

<End Log, [14:26:02]>

Closing Statement: █████ ██████████ was promptly amnestized and driven back into ████. Agent ███████ also called into ████ Radio to report the previous call as a hoax.

The following is a transcript of the note given to the Foundation by █████ ██████████.

Hey there Fellow Researchers!

Are you tired of all those long hours in those dangerous Sites maintaining normalcy and keeping the world turning day after day? Are you sick of being called in on your vacation days because there's another pesky containment breach you need to deal with? Are you completely done with those late night calls by your Project head about this new body you need to exhume hours before your flight out to Jamaica?

Well, worry no longer! Introducing Site-1923, a state of the art facility located on an isolated island about sixty kilometres off the coast of Baja California! Enjoy spending your off hours in warm sunshine and drinking Piña Coladas while your colleagues slave away in the chilly mainland Sites! (Seriously though, what the fuck is up with their air conditioning, do we work better when we're freezing to death?!) Contact your Site Administrator today to begin a life of warm days and beautiful clear waters!

P.S The constant containment breaches WILL NOT stop after a Site transfer. Those things are about to replace death as the first fact of life.

Best regards!
The 20█9 Site-1923 Staff
"Site-1923, built by anomalies, for anomalies (well, containing them)"

The site in question is confirmed to be non-existent following a subsequent search of Foundation databanks with no plans for construction until at minimum 20██.