SCP-2775

Description

SCP-2775 is an extraterrestrial entity of indeterminate biology and form. The current location of SCP-2775 is unknown, though its signal from the phone calls it made were traced to a location outside of the solar system. Contact with SCP-2775 has only occurred in the context of phone calls intercepted between SCP-2775 and the “Human Mills Company,” designated SCP-2775-1.

SCP-2775 is capable of speaking in English despite its origin. The anomaly is noted to have an accent of indeterminate origin. It is unknown how SCP-2775 acquired its knowledge of English. In addition, giving the lack of a latency time in between moments made in the call, and the distance that a phone call would need to travel, SCP-2775 evidently possesses the ability to both transmit and maintain a faster-than-light phone signal, which implies a high degree of technological or anomalous ability.

SCP-2775-1 is a clandestine company with its headquarters traced to the region of the southwestern United States, though the exact location of the headquarters has yet to be found. SCP-2775-1 evidently specializes in the production of humanoid specimens for a large sum of money, though the specifics of this process are unknown. Prior to discovery of SCP-2775, the Foundation had established that SCP-2775-1 was a primarily American company without any international exports beyond a few shipments to Canada.

First contact with SCP-2775 occurred during investigation into SCP-2775-1 for containment of a separate anomalous entity. Foundation assets in the region listened in on a phone call from SCP-2775 to SCP-2775-1. The transcript of the phone call is included below.

SCP-2775: Uh, hello? Someone there? Fuck, if someone puts me on hold one more time I swear, I’m gonna jam a-

SCP-2775-1: Hello, you have reached the Human Mills Company Tech Support, dedicated to bringing you quality lab specimens anywhere, anytime, any dimension. My name is Janet, and how can I help you today?

SCP-2775: Oh, uh, hi. I had an issue with one of these human specimens that I bought. It’s not working.

SCP-2775-1: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that sir, have you tried rebooting it?

SCP-2775: Hold on, let me try. (pause in call) Well I took its shoe off and put it back on and nothing changed.

SCP-2775-1: No sir, I mean that you need to turn it fully off and then on again.

SCP-2775: Okay, gimme a sec. (pause in call) Oh, oh sweet Gizyxs-now it’s bleeding everywhere and screaming, how the hell do I make it stop? (next portion is quieter, as if spoken away from the phone) How the hell do you have that much blood?

SCP-2775-1: Turn it off completely and then apply bandages.

SCP-2775: Wait, it stopped screaming. Oh, wait. I think it just died. Well, fuck.

SCP-2775-1: Please remain calm, sir. If your product is not working, we can send you a new one, free of cost, if your warranty hasn’t expired.

SCP-2775: Uh, warranty?

SCP-2775-1: There is a one year warranty from the date that you purchased the human.

SCP-2775: Nobody told me anything about a warranty. Damn, do I need proof of this or something?

SCP-2775-1: Yes, you do.

SCP-2775: Gizyxs damn it.

At this point, SCP-2775 ended the call. Approximately ten minutes later, SCP-2775 made another call, which was intercepted by the Foundation.

SCP-2775: How is waiting music this b-

Foundation: Hello, you have reached the Human Mills Company Tech Support, dedicated to bringing you quality lab specimens anywhere, anytime, any dimension. My name is Mike, and how can I help you today?

SCP-2775: Oh, hey. I’ve got a couple human specimens here that don’t work. I tried turning them off and on again, but that didn’t work, and when I tried to take one apart to figure out what was going on with it, it just died.

Foundation: I’m so sorry to hear that sir, we’ll try to get your problem fixed right away. Can you tell me what store location you bought this particular specimen at?

SCP-2775: Yeah, uh, it was some place called China.

Foundation: Sir, we don’t have any stores located in that region.

SCP-2775: What? Are you sure? I picked up these ones right there.

Foundation: Yes, positive sir. Are you sure you bought from a licensed vendor?

SCP-2775: Well duh, I mean, I paid good money for these things. Look, it says "HOOMAN" right across the side of this thing.

Foundation: Sir, I believe that you’ve bought some unlicensed, knockoff brand humans that are not endorsed by our company.

SCP-2775: What? Of course I didn’t, I’d never buy any knockoff brands.

Foundation: Sir, I can’t help you with non-Human Mills Company products.

SCP-2775: (quieter, as if speaking away from phone) Of fucking course I’m the one who buys the shitty bootleg humans because I want to save some money. Never buy from those Gizyxsdamn little street vendors, they told me, but did I listen? Noooo-

At this point, the call ends once again. SCP-2775 has not made any more calls since this point, and the status of the anomaly is unknown.