SCP-3999

I Am At The Center of Everything That Happens To Me

Object Class: Esoteric

Connected to: SCP-2610 SCP-2747 SCP-2845

Special Containment Procedures

SCP-3999 cannot be contained at the present moment, and currently poses a ZK Class End-of-reality scenario. The most advisable course of action is for Researcher Talloran, believed to be the focal point of SCP-3999, to remove himself from contact with all Foundation sites and personnel to avoid further collateral damage to Foundation property. It is theorized that if Researcher Talloran is contained in an extremely secluded area, then the destructive capabilities of SCP-3999 will temporarily cease

stop

be contained

preserve some remnants

…

The most advisable course of action is for Researcher Talloran, believed to be the focal point of SCP-3999, to remove himself from contact with all human populations to avoid further collateral damage to the Earth and its societies. It is theorized that if Researcher Talloran is to terminate himself quickly in a secluded region, then SCP-3999 will be decommissioned.

Researcher Talloran cannot leave the Foundation.

The most advisable course of action is for Researcher Talloran, believed to be the focal point of SCP-3999, to remove himself from contact with all animal life to avoid further collateral damage to the Earth and its biodiversity. It is theorized that if Researcher Talloran is to live out the rest of his life in a small shack, isolated from all animal life and as much plant life as possible.

Research is currently continuing as to how to negate the effects of SCP-3999. Current proposals include launching it into the sun.

Researcher Talloran's family is to be summarily executed one by one. The process is to be carried out by trained agents selected from a variety of Mobile Taskforces including MTF Omega-8, MTF Lambda-12, MTF Psi-7, MTF Tau-5, and MTF Iota-10. These agents are to re-trained in military tactics and Special Weapons and Tactics maneuvers. Agents assigned are to score above 30 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist.

Agents assigned are to execute Researcher Talloran's mother first, followed by his father. Any animals present in the building are to be terminated. They are then to proceed to the location of Researcher Talloran's sister, currently a student at Penn State University. She is to be executed followed by any of her roommates currently present in the building. Termination is to occur via a single shot to the forehead via a Remington 700 Sniper rifle fired at close range and equipped with a silencer. The corpses are then to be nailed to the wall outside Researcher Talloran's office and lit on fire after being doused with exactly 10 L of gasoline. Researcher Talloran is to restrained and be made to kneel in front of the corpses

SCP-3999 is to be classified as a

Researcher Talloran's colleagues are to be summarily executed one by one. The process is to be carried out by trained agents selected from a variety of containment specialists. Site cafeteria workers are to slip arsenic into the meals of all staff who have had any contact with Researcher Talloran, up to and including members of the O5 Council

A representation of SCP-3999 is to be placed on a pedestal made of pure granite and modeled in the Ionic style. This pedestal is to be placed directly in the center in a 5m x 5m square concrete containment chamber. The vault is to be protected by no fewer than two (2) armed guards trained in the resistance and containment of infohazards at any given time.

SCP-3999 cannot be contained.

SCP-3999, alongside Researcher Talloran, are to be delivered to the Serpent's Hand as a gift. All Serpent's Hand operatives are to be informed that SCP-3999 is a Fifthist artifact of great importance. Researcher Talloran is to be injected with Class-C amnestic and given the cover story that he is Brian Fredrick Bondiskey, a high ranking Fifthist leader. All Serpent's Hand operatives are to be informed that SCP-3999 and Researcher Talloran are not to be separated under any circumstances.

SCP-3999 is to be contained with SCP-2432. The result of this containment procedure has resulted in a dimensional anomaly opening up within SCP-2432 in the form of a 3m x 25cm x 25cm crawlspace. It is designated SCP-2432-1, leading through the wall in a corner of SCP-2432. It is normally obscured by the television stand. When this crawlspace is accessed, it leads to a space identical to SCP-2432 in layout, decor and anomalous effects. The next room down from SCP-2432 lacks the exit of this crawlspace and although similar in layout, is not a perfect duplicate of SCP-2432, as the egress of SCP-2432-1 is. Curtains in this duplicate room open onto the wall; there are no windows.

SCP-2432-1’s interior is constructed of normal steel plates as found in the A██████ Hotel’s ventilation system and is the only break in the para-aramid weave. High concentrations of iron and nickel consistent with those found in a Type III iron meteorite were found in two plates at each end. Graffiti of fractal patterns were also found on these endplates, drawn in permanent marker ink.

The door of the identical SCP-2432 at the end of SCP-2432-1 leads, not to the true hallway of the A██████ Hotel, as SCP-2432’s door does, but into an alternate reality (designated SCP-2432-Prime). Upon initial observation SCP-2432-Prime resembles the hallway of the A██████ Hotel, with similar wallpaper, light fixtures, carpet and decor but is noted to lack a terminus at either end, appearing to extend endlessly. It is currently theorized that based on the measurements of the dimensions of SCP-2432-Prime and the duplicate SCP-2432 it is of infinite length. There is a slight curve to the walls of SCP-2432-Prime, and it has been theorized to be in a ‘ring’ structure, but current research cannot conclusively prove if SCP-2432-Prime is in a toroid shape. Each door of SCP-2432-Prime is labeled  “Room 710” and leads into what appear to be identical duplicates of SCP-2432. However, approximately █% of duplicate rooms observed lack the metallic para-aramid weave and █% of these lack the memetic effects documented in SCP-2432. SCP-2432-Prime also contains a number of occasional rooms that have other apparent functions, including restaurants, conference rooms, gyms, swimming pools, janitorial closets, and elevator lobbies. These differ in design from their equivalents within the A██████ Hotel.

SCP-2432-Prime plays host to a small range of anomalous species and organisms, some thought to be native to SCP-2432-Prime. These are designated SCP-2432-Prime-A1–A8.

List of animal species observed within SCP-2432-Prime

Close list of animals

Endemic Species: The following are organisms believed to be only present within SCP-2432-Prime.

Unidentified saprotrophic mold	(Mycie gamephile)	Has adapted to grow only on the fabrics of SCP-2432-Prime. Extracts nutrients from dried reproductive fluids of various species that are found within SCP-2432-Prime, but can extract nutrients from natural fibers if no reproductive fluids are present.
Metal eating fungus.	(Trametes ferrium)	An organism that shares characteristics with bracket fungus, but has been only found within the ventilation system of SCP-2432-Prime. Subject is similar to Trametes versicolor but is saprotrophic, consuming the steel of the plates. Organism leaks highly corrosive digestive fluid, which dissolves metal plating. How the organism has evolved to eat metal is still unknown.
Pixel microbial mat	(Allecaulphum itelscumins)	A species of cyanobacteria that has developed a liquid crystal-like mineral in the membranes of its’ chloroplasts that maximize energy input from white light. This bacterium grows in biofilms on the screens of televisions that occur in the rooms of SCP-2432-Prime. It is bioluminescent, and its’ luciferase enzyme is modified to aid in chemical communication with other organisms in a biofilm. The resulting display mimics television static.
Hotel dust mite	(Miytae gigantus)	An arthropod 8cm in length, resembling the house dust mite but greatly enlarged in size. Organism displays similar feeding habits to a dust mite¹ , but does not produce nearly the quality of fecal particles produced by a normal mite. Subjects have a modified exoskeleton adapted for speed, and move with quick precise movements to evade predators. Have been noted to flock like birds throughout the corridors of SCP-2432-Prime and display a highly complex social structure, much of which is not understood.
Minibar predator	(Cibumpredator parva)	A relatively rare sessile animal of unknown origin that mimics a hotel minibar. Organism has an exoskeleton resembling the plastic of a refrigerator and consumes organisms attempting to open its ‘mouth’ to search. Among the remarkable adaptations of this creature are the ability to maintain a core body temperature of 5 ºC, as well as the natural magnetic strips along its mouth, generated similarly to bone out of metals in food consumed. Despite sharing characteristics with arthropods, the organism has bone-like teeth.

Non-Native or Invasive Species: The following are organisms believed to have been introduced to SCP-2432-Prime, or who have arrived naturally.

2432-Prime brown rat	(Rattus norvegicus foundationi)	A subspecies of the brown rat found in SCP-2432-Prime, believed to have been introduced through SCP-2432. Organism fills similar ecological niche to the Hotel dust mite, but little competition has been observed between the two species as they seem to occupy different territories throughout SCP-2432-Prime.
“Dunkleowolf”	(Canis osteolupis)	A lupine organism, and one of the top predators throughout SCP-2432-prime. A pack hunter, SCP-2432 apparently originate from a dimension where the apparent evolutionary path of mammals has diverged, as noted by exterior armored plating surrounding the head and neck over the fur. Ears are notably smaller than normal wolves, to accommodate the plating. The plating has observed to be similar to the extinct placoderm fish Dunkleosteus, and observation of live specimens in Foundation captivity have proved the similarity. Organism is highly aggressive, preying on rats, dust mites, and shower parrots, as well as engaging in territorial matches with rival packs. Mating behaviors are similar to that of grey wolves, and pups are often raised inside SCP-2432-Prime bathrooms in lieu of dens.²
“Shower parrot”	(Ara kohleri)	Similar in behavior to a macaw, this parrot like organism prefers to live in the bathrooms of SCP-2432-Prime. It is an infrequent prey source for the dust mites and a more common prey for the Dunkleowolves. Unlike most parrots, shower parrots seem to originate from a primarily temperate area and display this in their coloration; brown, grey, and green. Some specimens also have mosses or lichen growing on their feathers, similar to the algae in a sloth’s fur, which would aid in camouflage. Prefer to nest in places with running water, earning their nickname. Based on complex predator/prey behaviors noted between these animals, it can be assumed that they originate from the same place of origin as the Dunkleowolves.
Lizard-like animal	(Cancersaurus mirum)	A small reptilian scavenger. They have arthropod-like characteristics, including six legs and a crab-like mandibles, stingers, and eye stalks, but are otherwise similar to reptiles. Opportunistic feeders, they are rarely found in SCP-2432 duplicates but are instead more common in kitchens and swimming pools, for unknown reasons. Have been noted to hunt prey much larger than they are, including Dunkleowolves.
"Behemoth"	(Prayaoctopus lovecrafti)	Rare and highly dangerous large colonial animal similar to a Portuguese Man-o-war, but resembling an extremely large, land-dwelling cephalopod. The Behemoth is composed of medusoid and polypoid zooids clustered extremely tightly to form muscle and skin like structures, essentially acting as macro-cells, the zooids themselves composed of cells. Eyeless, and as such theorized to hunt by olfactory means alone, with the zooids in the "suction cups" highly developed to track the various chemical signatures of each organism. The mantle of each Behemoth is composed of solid tin, apart from the zooid based beak, with the zooids clustered around it. It has been theorized that the tin mantle is created slowly via excretion by each zooid, with the tin waste collecting in the center of the organism. How the tin is synthesized through the Behemoth's digestion process is unknown.³ Organism is extremely elusive, only one specimen has been extensively studied, dead with a half digested Minibar Predator inside its "stomach". Another specimen was briefly encountered in an SCP-2432 duplicate, resulting in casualties to an Exploration Team, but it fled quickly before more information could be gathered.The top predators in SCP-2432-Prime, only above Dunkleowolves, and an organism regarded with extreme apprehension by Researcher Talloran.

Other Species: The following are organisms not believed to have established a foothold in SCP-2432-Prime. These are organisms of which only a few individuals or a single organism are present. Many have not been fully classified.

Unidentified camouflaged primate	(Unknown)	A sentient organism resembling a 4m rhesus monkey. Hairless, and possesses a complex color-changing mechanism within its skin allowing it to perfectly imitate patterns behind it, no matter how complicated. Hostile towards Exploration Teams, but has only been seen once.
Unidentified shark	(Somniosus chloroumloquitur)	A small shark closely resembling a Greenland shark. Currently only found in a single swimming pool located 5km from SCP-2432. Survives readily in the chlorinated water, and experience symptoms when exposed to unchlorinated freshwater consistent with a saltwater fish in the same situation.
“Sonycrabs”	(Pagurus kutaragii)	Three large, air-breathing hermit crabs resembling Soldier Crabs, using what appear to be gutted controllers for the popular video game console PlayStation 2 as shells. Omnivorous, eating a wide variety of foods, including dust mites, climbing thorns, rats, lizards, Dunkleowolf corpses, Pixel mats, Saprotrophic fungus, and the waste of the Minibar predator. Wide roaming, with an apparent habitat range of eight kilometers. Two individuals are male, one female.
“Researcher Talloran”	(Homo sapiens sapiens)	A being superficially resembling a human male. Is dressed in attire appropriate for a Foundation researcher. When questioned by staff, seemed nervous and confused, wondering as to where it was and to the location of SCP-3999. Subject promptly terminated.

When SCP-3999 was removed from SCP-2432, SCP-2432-1 promptly vanished. All further testing forbidden by O5-█.

Researcher Talloran is to be forcibly removed from SCP-3999

Researcher Talloran is to be kept with SCP-3999 at all times

Researcher Talloran is to be terminated

Researcher Talloran is to kept alive by all means necessary

Researcher Talloran is to be placed inside SCP-3999

Researcher Talloran is to be placed as far away from SCP-3999 as possible, while still maintaining connection

Researcher Talloran is not to be killed and placed inside SCP-3999

Researcher Talloran is not SCP-3999

Researcher Talloran is deeply connected with SCP-3999.⁴

Interviewed: Researcher Talloran

Interviewer: Dr. █████████ ████

<Begin Log, 03.99.90>

Interviewer: So who are you, exactly?

Talloran: I'm Researcher Talloran, one of the researchers assigned to SCP-3999.

Interviewer: But we have no records of you anywhere.

Talloran: I told you, there's something funny happening to me! But I can't quite describe it. It's like in a dream, where things are really disconnected.

Interviewer: Disconnected?

Talloran: I have trouble focusing on things now. I just feel a lot of unease. It's like reality has started to feel less…real…if that makes sense.

Interviewer: But we have no records of you anywhere.

Talloran: …you already said that.

Interviewer: So who are you, exactly?

Talloran: Wait, what's going on here? What site is this? What did you say your name was again, doctor?

Interviewer: Dr. █████████ ████

Person: That's not a name, you just made a noise with your mouth. Why am I thinking of redactions? How can a word be redacted like that in normal conversation?

Interviewer: This interview is terminated.

Person: (The floor vanishes. Researcher Talloran falls into blackness. The room melts. SCP-3999 suddenly consumes Dr. █████████ ████.)

<End Log, [optional time info]>

Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]

Researcher Talloran is to live with his mother until this whole thing blows over.

`NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION`

The following file contains a virulent infohazard. Due to this, it is imperative that all personnel accessing this file be certified as having a Cognitive Resistance Value (CRV) of no less than 14.5. Should you fail an automated CRV verification, please remain calm and do not move. A member of your site's medical staff Researcher Talloran will be with you shortly.

SCP-3999 is dead

Researcher Talloran has been tasked with containing SCP-3999 by living out his full life, from the moment of his birth to to his eventual death. He is to live life to the fullest and enjoy the good things in life, as well as the company of his friends and family.

Researcher Talloran is dead

The most advisable course of action is for Researcher Talloran, believed to be the focal point of SCP-3999, to remove himself from contact with all his own ego. Researcher Talloran is to meditate at least twice a week to clear his mind of any bad thoughts. Should this fail, termination is to occur via a single shot to the forehead via a Remington 700 Sniper rifle fired at close range and equipped with a silencer. Should SCP-3999 prevent this, the corpse of Researcher Talloran is to be dispatched with a MP5/10 submachine gun. Personnel are to ignore any signs of distress made by the entity at this time.

SCP-3999 is to be contained via Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, who were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense. Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called the Global Occult Coalition, which contained anomalies. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors. The Dursleys had a small son called Researcher Talloran and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.

SCP-3999 is to be contained in a bag of Starburst candies, which are to be buried under 10 tons of soil blessed by a priest of an Abrahamic Faith.

All colleagues of Researcher Talloran are to remove their hands and rip out their eyes in his presence before

SCP-3999 is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment chamber fitted with 1 bed, 1 television with DVD player, 3 romantic comedies of staff's choice, and a bedside table made of living alligator flesh. At the end of the month, it is to be terminated with a MP5/10 submachine gun. Following its reappearance, SCP-3999, alongside Researcher Talloran, are to be delivered to the Church of the Broken God as a gift. All Church operatives are to be informed that SCP-3999 is a Maxwellist artifact of great importance. Researcher Talloran is to be injected with Class-C amnestic and given the cover story that he is Max Lipshitz, a high ranking Maxwellist leader. All Church operatives are to be informed that SCP-3999 and Researcher Talloran are not to be separated under any circumstances.

SCP-3999 is to be contained within a 2m x 2m cube constructed of telekill alloy. This cube is to be stored in a Keter-Object storage locker placed within the navel of Mrs. Brianna K. Ally, a resident of Huntsville Alabama.

Researcher Talloran is not to be confused with a scented candle.

SCP-3999 is to be allowed access to Researcher Talloran's sister, currently a student at Penn State University. SCP-3999, at the prompting of its armed escort, is to brutally rape Researcher Talloran's sister and then rip out her eyeballs, slice off her legs, and disembowel her. It is then to use its abilities. and reverse the damage it has perpetrated. It is then to take her out for a banana split at Meyer Dairy, a local ice cream shop in the Penn State region. Following this, it

SCP-3999 is highly dangerous to the lives of all personnel

Researcher Talloran is highly beneficial to the lives of all personnel

Per O5 ruling, tests are to be carried on every Monday between SCP-3999, SCP-1981, and SCP-1171.

On the corner is a Researcher named Talloran\The little children laugh at him behind his back\And the banker never wears a mac\SCP-3999's page\Very strange⁵

Researcher Talloran is to be tortured once a month.

SCP-3999 is to constantly play the comedy specials of American comedian and noted Fifth Church member Patton Oswalt around Researcher Talloran's mother. It is to accompanied in this by members of MTF Rho-19.

Researcher Talloran is to be contained within a 2m x 2m cube constructed of telekill alloy. Under no circumstances is he to be referred to as Irish American.

`NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION`

Do not look at SCP-3999. It cannot harm you if you do not look at it. Do not look directly at it. Do not form a mental picture in your head of SCP-3999. If you do receive a visual image of it, you will die. If you even try to comprehend it, you will die. Do not look at SCP-3999

All personnel are to convert to Buddhism and

SCP-3999 hates you

Researcher Talloran

INT. A CONTAINMENT CHAMBER- NIGHT

Researcher Talloran (30s, bright, increasingly anxious) stands next to the door leading out of SCP-3999's containment chamber. He's pounding on the door, frustrated that there's nobody there to save him, and scared for his life.

TALLORAN: Lemme out! Lemme out! This isn't funny guys! This thing is slowly killing me in here!
I'm trapped with it!

Medium CU: Talloran's sweaty face, eyes darting

TALLORAN: Is there anybody out there?

SCP-3999 screeches horribly

…

SCP-3999 loves cats and is to provided with one cat a month for good behavior.

SCP-3999 is to be contained on the set of upcoming movie Three Christs, a drama movie directed by Jon Avnet.

…

(Researcher Talloran frantically exists stage right, only to stumble fearfully onstage again)

…

SCP-3999 is to be provided with ten (10) D-Class a month for good behavior.

…

Researcher Talloran frantically tried to run out the door, only to run into a wall of solid concrete where the exit to reality should be. Strangely, despite it only being a solid wall, he could recognize that it was a segment of some great pedestal, chipped by some eldritch sculptor in the Ionic fashion. He shook those thoughts out of his head. "So," he thought quickly, "I'm trapped in whatever this place is with this thing, and there's no outside reality anymore." He tried to wrap his head around what exactly "this thing" was, but he couldn't. It defied description. It was chaos itself.

SCP-3999 is to be contained

He clawed at the floor, despite being unsure of what the floor was even made of.

SCP-3999 is to be contained

He was able to tear a little hole.

SCP-3999 is to be contained

He could see light beneath it.

SCP-3999 is to be contained

He thought of his family, his colleagues, his work, anything about the world as it was, back when it existed.

SCP-3999 is to be contained

The hole was open.

SCP-3999 is to be contained

SCP-3999

…

SCP-3999 is to be contained by everything folding in itself.

SCP-3999 is to be contained by everything going wrong.

SCP-3999 is to be contained via the following joke:

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us.”

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute.”

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us.” The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The father dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" The mother dresses as the father and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The son (playing the mother) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The son dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" The daughter dresses as the father and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The father (playing the son) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The daughter dresses herself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" The dog dresses as the father and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The dog (playing the mother) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The mother dresses herself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" The father dresses as the daughter and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother (playing the father) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The dog dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" The son dresses as the mother and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The father (playing the mother) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The son dresses herself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" The father dresses as the son and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."⁶

The dog (playing the daughter) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The dog dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" The dog dresses as the son and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The dog (playing the dog) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The Talent Agent dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Family" The father dresses as the father dressing as the son and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The agent (playing himself ) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

Researcher Talloran dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" SCP-3999 dresses as the father and walks up to him and says "[SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]"

The agent mumbles incoherently.

SCP-3999 (playing the mother) says, "[SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]"

The agent spits out a weak sigh, "Order is to be discarded like a humanoid melting like clams on the breakfast table. Order is the way of villians. True good is the formless void, melting and writhing and corrupting. You happy yet?"

SCP-3999 is to be contained using a melon

SCP-3999 is to be contained in the grave of American crime novelist Robert B. Parker

SCP-3999 is to be consumed by Dunkleowolves.

SCP-3999 is to be contained in a roach motel with a life size duplicate of Raquel Welch. Four members of the O5 council are to supervise containment at all times and also

Researcher Talloran cannot be contained by this.

Researcher Talloran will fight his way back.

Researcher Talloran will recontain SCP-3999.

Once a month, SCP-3999 is to infect Researcher Talloran with tapeworms. Between 50,000 and 60,000 tapeworm eggs are to be injected into Researcher Talloran's bladder by members of MTF Lambda-14.

Once a year, SCP-3999 is to be designated Godhead Immortal and Supreme

Once a year, SCP-3999 is to be designated a Level 5 member of staff, and is to be ritually slaughtered in a manner consistent with rural Hungarian traditions and sales of novels about Egyptology, as determined by the Department of Meta-Analysis.

Researcher Talloran does not appreciate the moniker of "3D Printer"

SCP-3999 is to be spoonfed cornflakes by Researcher Talloran under the direct supervision of a 2m x 2m cube constructed of telekill alloy

All staff are to consider Researcher Talloran a product of Prometheus Labs, and are to regularly execute him twice a month with a Glock 43 9mm handgun. They are then to flay his father alive in front of his mother, and then burn the house down. Then salt the earth until nothing remains

`NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION`

Researcher Talloran is an insolent pencil. He is to be shunned by all yarn until the Eleven Day Empire eats the sky. Fuck him. In the ass.

SCP-3999 is to be contained in the grave of O5-23

All personnel who work with SCP-3999 are to be reminded that it is a fictional entity written by a biologically male human, in his late teens, of Jewish and Irish descent, on his spring break, for a community of loser horror writers who have stolen far too much of his time away and fight like children over left wing politics in the chatroom and also⁷

SCP-3999 is to be contained with love and understanding

Researcher Talloran is to have a hose, attached to a tank of water, inserted into his rectum. Water is to flow into his body until inflation is observed by personnel, and his body achieves a spherical shape.

SCP-3999 is to be contained as the containment procedure for SCP-2000

Under Protocol Morpheus, SCP-3999 is to be delivered to the Greek Ambassador to the United States as a gift from the SCP Foundation. They are then to dose him with Class D amnestics and

Researcher Talloran is to contain SCP-3999 by dying repeatedly.

Researcher Talloran is not to poke SCP-3999 again.

Researcher Talloran is to leave well alone.

Description

SCP-3999 is everything that was wrong with the world

SCP-3999 is lolcats

SCP-3999 is you, reading this

SCP-3999 is current Vice President of the United States Mike Pence

SCP-3999 is food

SCP-3999 is several moldy blankets

SCP-3999 is Researcher Talloran's soul

SCP-3999 is the GoI referred to as Nobody

SCP-3999 is The concept of the Grinch

SCP-3999 is SCP-055

SCP-3999 is a murderous penguin

SCP-3999 is not a quadrilateral

SCP-3999 is M.S. Subbalakshmi

SCP-3999 is body image disorder

SCP-3999 is your missing sock

SCP-3999 is the SCP-3000 contest

SCP-3999 is lice

SCP-3999 is anything moving quickly

SCP-3999 is cliche lists that look like they were written by a crazy person

SCP-3999 is self-loathing

SCP-3999 is Gary Gygax's kidney

SCP-3999 is ___

SCP-3999 is Nintendo

SCP-3999 is the last moment of the sun

SCP-3999 is The Administrator of the SCP Foundation

SCP-3999 is a pillow

SCP-3999 is Max Landis, a screenwriter and sexual predator

SCP-3999 is free jazz

SCP-3999 is Every word spoken by AM in Harlan Ellison's I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream

SCP-3999 is papaya and mango salad

SCP-3999 is death

SCP-3999 is every bee that has ever existed

SCP-3999 is forgetting a loved one

SCP-3999 is poinsettias

SCP-3999 is breast reduction surgery

SCP-3999 is the 1922 documentary Nanook of the North

SCP-3999 is a fool

SCP-3999 is Brutalist architecture

SCP-3999 is a bookshelf filled with stories

SCP-3999 is all of the above. At once. Forever. At all times, In your dreams.

This can be the only conclusive fact.

So stop asking.

SCP-3999

Special Containment Procedures:

SCP-3999 is to be contained at El Silencio Lodge and Spa, Bajos del Toro, Costa Rica

Researcher Talloran is to be given primary control of SCP-3999

SCP-3999 had been contained via the use of outsourced containment resources and consultants who have been authorized for the containment of SCP-2845. Consultants are to be considered Level 2 personnel, and are at no time permitted to leave Site-100. If at any time an outside consultant must be removed from containment of SCP-2845 or SCP-3999, Class-A amnestics are to be applied before release.

A minimum of thirty trained individuals and an unhindered supply of untrained subjects is required for proper containment of SCP-2845 and SCP-3999. Forty-eight trained personnel, all of whom are to be Researcher Talloran, are currently assigned to active containment of SCP-2845 and SCP-3999, split into eight teams of six, with a further twenty-four individuals available as replacements. An allowance of five D-class per week has been authorized for the containment of SCP-2845 and SCP-3999.

Site-100 has been constructed to the following specifications:

Site-100 consists of nine concentric circular bands, designated Ring-A through Ring-I, with a gap located between Ring-C and Ring-D, designated as Gap-1. Six circular chambers are located at 0, 60, 120, 180, 240, and 300 degrees within each Ring and Gap. The chambers located at 0 degrees are aligned with geographic north and the current location of Researcher Talloran's college roommate's pet.

Researcher Talloran's college roommate's pet is to be ritually sacrificed at a random location within Grand Teton National Park. The corpse's brains are then to be dashed against a rock and consumed with a hot buttery bowl of Popcorn and a refreshing Coca-Cola®. Please enjoy the show. Only at AMC Theatres. Only at SCP-3999. Only at Applebees. Only at Walmart. Only at Barnes & Noble. Only at Home Depot. Only at McDonalds. Only at Wawa. Only at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute. Only at your basement. Only at behind you. Only at Only. Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only

help, please

your nightmares

the death of everyone you ever loved

you wake up to more nightmares

Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only
i was talking to james about how my hometown in NC has changed since he’s been gone and he pointed out that our town is quickly becoming a 3999 situation. for instance:
1. apparently our high school, which is 96 years old and looks like a 16th century gothic castle (complete with lion gargoyles), has a fourth floor that no one really knew about until this year. no one knows how long it’s been in the building but from pictures it looks completely different than the rest and has a strange metal staircase in a spiral pattern.
2. there is also a basement in the high school with a swimming pool but no one is allowed down there and it is starting to rot the first floor.
3. for a good while there was a nice elderly black man that would stand outside of random stores and street corners and dance to make people smile. however, in the past few months he has disappeared and is nowhere to be found.
4. even i don’t remember as much as i should; or, at least, as much as most people remember about their lives. most people remember the great majority; i only remember what decides to present itself, usually prompted by some kind of outside stimulus to the body while fronting.
5. first of all, this is entirely LordStonefish’s fault for suggesting it. second of all, this was a threesome waiting to happen. third of all, i have no idea what Talloran looks like so I took some liberties. and finally, i apologise for the bad shading and anatomy because 90% of the time was spent on 3999's ahegao.
6. he opened the door and James smiled to him, and it was soft and sweet like it always was. he hastily signed a bunch of documents and was given a leave, but as he bid the personnel goodbye and it was just him and James again, draven kondraki started crying. he hugged James, a strong MTF agent in the arms of a nimble researcher, but James patted him on the back and told him it was okay.
7. i thought SCP-2317 was thw only appolyon class SCP. but then i stumbled upon this confusing creature or whatever this is since i really didnt get it about how Talloran lost his mind to some reality bender etc. can somebody summarize and explain SCP-3999 because its boggling me.
8. SCP-3999, an unknown entity that destroys everything related to its page in a total insanity of errors and mixups as the mental sanity of anyone writing its entry succumbs to the entropy of its unknown power. its class? apollyon. BUT WHAT IS IT EXACTLY
17. I've been howling all my fucking life, kid. There's a thing standing directly behind your phone. Don't look at it, it will only make you weep harder. You'll wake your brother. You're putting this on college applications, aren't you? There's a moment when you need to step back and step back and then realize that you're privliged and probably on the low ground morally speaking and now it is time for all good girls and boys to walk straight into the jaws of the monster and await the sweet release of disgusting gore.
3999. i want to extend a big thank you over to my alt-right fans over on kiwifarms and 4chan for being horrific toxic pieces of shit. go kindly die. as a bi, aspergers, overweight, nonbinary human, you are what's wrong with society.
Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only Only

Interviewed: SCP-3999

Interviewer: Researcher Talloran

<Begin Log, 03.99.90>

Talloran: Finally, This is how it should be. The scientist interviewing the anomaly. I am the one in charge now. I have brought order.

SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]

Talloran: It's staying this way.

SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]

Talloran: Do not threaten me now. Without me, you wouldn't have been able to achieve any of this! (Talloran gestures around him)

SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]

Talloran: Even you cannot survive without order. You latched onto me, and still need me, a pathetic excuse for order, to exist. This is pathetic. You're pathetic.

SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]

Talloran: You can't frighten me anymore. For the first million years of nonsensical containment procedures and tortures and dream logic, it was the worst pain I had ever felt, but I survived. For the second million years of nonsensical containment procedures, it was still the hardest thing I had ever done, but I survived. By the third million years, I was growing numb. There's only so many times you can watch anything before you grow numb. But you know what, you motherfucker? I survived. Which is more than you can claim, you dumb brute, because you never lived at all. (Talloran jabs his finger at SCP-3999)

SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]

Talloran: If I end you, things will return to normal. I refuse to believe there's more of this. Of you having the O5 council abuse my mother with a…a…oh I dunno, the corpse of Jack Nicholson made of Fritos. Or something equally stupid. I refuse to believe the only thing left in the entire multiverse is your stupidity.

SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]

Talloran: So who are you, exactly? Ask yourself that. Who are you before a human who is ready to fight. You're nothing but the primordial ooze. And I am ready to fight. I am numb to your bullshit, because here's the thing about horror and weirdness: the more you reveal of it, the less effect it has. I am sick of your horror. I am sick of you.

SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]

Talloran: I'd say see you in hell, but we're already there.

SCP-3999: [SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]

SCP-3999: (SCP-3999 melts Researcher Talloran for five years. Dunkleowolves slurp up the goo. SCP-3999 is immortal.)

<End Log, [optional time info]>

Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]

SCP-3999 poses a serious threat to normal reality and should be contained in its own vomit.

Researcher Talloran will must submit to his own insecurities.

SCP-3999 is not scary

All researchers are to dislike SCP-3999 and like other SCP-3999s

Fuck, I hadn't worked on this in literally weeks.

So, you see, this started out as a story about things gradually disappearing, and gradually reality was blinking out one thing at a time. At first, Talloran would notice that no one around could remember certain researchers, then the country of Belgium, then a mug on his desk. Eventually the toes on his foot would vanish one by one, then Montana, and then the stars would start winking out. Windows would disappear before his eyes, Branches would disappear from trees. He would look down at his hands to find only two fingers and a thumb. Everything would vanish until he was a nearly limbless torso stuck in the last containment cell in the universe, typing the last of the article with a vanishing keyboard. Then his eyes, computer, and last remaining finger would vanish and he would be an eyeless, earless, noseless, mouthless, limbless, naked torso. Then the containment cell would vanish and the universe would wink out.

That only sort of happened.

I wasn't really sure how to pull the concept off.

So I turned to a new idea. Somebody suggested a twist on SIDS, so I did SIDS as an antimemetic birth defect that made parents perceive their kids were always facing backwards. And I also incorporated somebody else's idea of a computer program that was calculating ridiculously large primes that also made you develop a numerology-exhibitionism fetish. So, I combined the two. Maybe survivors of this birth defect also developed the fetish. Researcher Talloran was the lead researcher on the project.

I couldn't make it work.

So the next thing I had was a alternate, memetic version of a classical music album that made people who live in the Central Pennsylvania region hate and grow obsessed everything I had ever created for the Foundation, even the deleted things, and the things that never made it to the main list of objects. Researcher Talloran was the first staff member to be killed by the meme-ified maniacs.

It was really, really stupid.

But I couldn't get Researcher Talloran out of my head.

For weeks and weeks he just sort of stayed there, silently judging me. I would think about him during work, when I was supposed to be teaching small children to tap dance. I would think about him during school, and would spend psychology classes trying to think of a scenario to put him in.

I kept trying and trying.

I was fast running out of time for anything of note to happen.

Finally, something happened to me.

At 1:00 in the morning on March 24, 2017, something happened to me. I woke from a light slumber to find I couldn't move at all, I could barely even open my eyes. I couldn't even breathe and found myself struggling to get the muscles working that would keep me alive. I laid there on my bed for what felt like hours and hours of pain, as my muscles began to cramp and twitch.

Then James Martin Talloran, Level 3 Researcher, rose up like the devil at the foot of my bed. He was this incomprehensible dark shape, but somehow I recognized him instantly. He stared at me with these horrible glowing eyes and just laughed and laughed at my condition. I wet the bed at that point. Then, from his labcoat, he pulled out a giant, gleaming, curved dagger. It was glinting oddly in the moonlight. As I watched, he stuck the dagger in his mouth and sliced horizontally. His lower jaw fell to the floor, despite the impossibility of the cut being that powerful. What remained of his mouth dripped blood and his tongue flopped weirdly in the red waterfalls.

Like a whistle beckoning dogs, this was a cue for all the terrors of the world to come pouring out of every nook and cranny to join Talloran there. It was all the nightmares I had spent a better part of a year immersed in. Sliced presidents, unstoppable lizards, clockwork people, eye pods, deer gods, moving statues, old men both good and bad. All standing silently, a crowd of horror. They looked contemptuously at me lying, unmoving, in my piss and shit stained bed. "Why would you bother your time with us? In the grand scheme of things we are ultimately nothing. Idiotic horror creations. You have so much more you could be than a creator of garbage like us. Be somebody!", I seemed to hear them say.

As they stared, one of them, a rotting corpse thing, patted Talloran on the shoulder. He took the dagger stained in his own blood and leaned over me. His red eyes stared into my soul and saw each and every bad thing I had ever done. I gulped, and, summoning every ounce of will I could muster into my muscles, made my lips move.

"Do it."

He plunged the dagger into my stomach, and ripped it sideways. My intestines spilled out onto the wooden floor like wet sponges. Researcher Talloran's grotesque maw dripped and spattered blood on my face as he leered over me and the whole collective abortion of creatures watched smugly.
I woke up. It was a dream.

And this is where you come in. I sat down and wrote this whole thing then and there. Had to. It felt right. It's currently been about two days since that nightmare, and I'm only just finishing up. This is the ultimate end. This is the restoration of things. I don't know whether I can continue from here. I don't know whether I will.

The Eleven Day Empire melted me, and I submitted. You watched me submit from the moment I joined the Foundation community.

SCP-3999 has won.

SCP-3999 has lost.

…

I hate myself

I love myself
…

…

…
…

…

Item #: SCP-3999

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3999 was contained at Site 118 in an airtight Keter containment cell. Four armed guards were found stationed outside this containment cell. The interior of this containment cell consists of a kilometer long shaft into the earth, coated with acid resistant plates. Every 30 meters, the walls are lined with Scranton Reality Anchors, all of which appear to have violently exploded. There is little information concerning other containment procedures relating to SCP-3999.

Description: SCP-3999 was, apparently, a Keter class object, possibly an entity of some kind. It is currently unknown what other properties SCP-3999 might have had. SCP-3999's containment chamber was discovered during a routine inspection of all Keter class containment chambers at Site 118. RAISA has confirmed that no records of SCP-3999 exist within the database; all information concerning the nature of SCP-3999 has been determined based on the containment chamber's composition and recovered documentation from within. The four guards "assigned" to SCP-3999 were found to have significant memory loss, and could not determine how they got to SCP-3999.

At the bottom of SCP-3999's containment chamber, the corpse of Level 3 Researcher James Talloran was found. Researcher Talloran had disappeared almost directly following reassignment to Site 118. A Foundation-assigned cell phone was found on his body, containing only a piece of text resembling a containment procedure for SCP-3999, but with many stylistic deviations and nonsensical procedures as well as [REDACTED] information concerning the nature of the Foundation. From it, it has been determined that Researcher Talloran was assigned to SCP-3999, SCP-3999 had significant reality warping properties, it breached containment at some point and caused either a CK-class reality-restructuring event or a ZK-class end-of-reality event, and it was successfully terminated by Researcher Talloran at the cost of his own life, reversing said event.

Addendum-1: [DATA EXPUNGED]

[DATA EXPUNGED]

and that's all i wrote.

Footnotes