SCP-971

Description

SCP-971 is an old and worn delivery menu printed on a standard sheet of 21.6 cm by 28 cm (8.5 by 11 inches) printer paper. The name of the delivery service is listed as Quik 'n Ready Mealz [sic]. No records of such a business exist, and the parent company named on the menu, [REDACTED], denies ownership of said food delivery service. The menu lists the company name, a phone number (1-800-███-████) and several different food items, each preceded by an item code. The food items are typical fast food items, including hamburgers, chicken sandwiches, chicken fingers, assorted seasoned fries and carbonated beverages (all [REDACTED] brand sodas). The menu features no pictures or prices of the food, and the typeface and design are both minimal and simplistic.

When holding SCP-971 and calling the phone number listed, the caller will be sent to an automated menu system. (NOTE - calling the same phone number without holding the menu will send the caller to a help desk for [REDACTED] software. The phone number listed on the menu corresponds to that company's listed phone number for their help desk). The automated menu will prompt the caller to input the item codes for the food they desire, and then for their credit card number to pay for the order. Once item codes and credit card number are input, the automated system will tell the caller the total price, thank them and then disconnect the call. The caller's credit card will be immediately charged for the total price of the order, plus the local tax rate for prepared food. The prices for orders made with SCP-971 are always comparatively lower than prices for other popular fast food chains in the caller's current location.

Once the call disconnects, about 15 or 20 minutes will pass; afterwards, a paper bag with Quik n' Ready Mealz logo (designated SCP-971-1) will appear near the caller. SCP-971-1 almost always appears when all potential observers' attention in the vicinity is diverted elsewhere. Remote video observation of SCP-971-1's appearance has been reasonably successful, although not particularly informative (SCP-971-1 simply appears instantaneously with no visual indication of its method of delivery). SCP-971-1 will contain the same items chosen in the phone menu, and all items will be cooked and prepared to normal Food Safety and Inspection Service health standards. Aside from the method of delivery, the only other anomalous feature of the food delivered is the undefinable meat used for the listed burgers, sandwiches and other meat containing items.

The meat used in the food is from an unknown source, and tends to be a bit tough and gamey. Simple testing has proven that it is not from typical beef or chicken stock, and personnel D-1282 (convicted on multiple counts of cannibalism) verifies that the meat is not human. More rigorous testing of SCP-971 samples has been approved. The meat used in the food is from assorted animals on the EEC Endangered Species List. Further DNA testing on the meat, as well as reports of sudden weight loss and muscle mass loss in animals from several zoos, confirms meat from pandas, cheetahs, red wolves, and several other species recognized as endangered. Currently all meat tested from meals that SCP-971 provides are from animals that are commonly known endangered species to the general public, not the more esoteric endangered species such as the equatorial dog-faced bat or the Oklahoma cave amphipod.

The food does not seem to cause any compulsion to eat it, nor does eating the endangered animal fast food meals cause any overt physical harm to subjects eating it (save for the high fat, sodium and calorie counts associated with fast food). The menu itself causes no compulsion to use it over other fast food menus in double-blind testing, and has shown no ability to teleport or reproduce when left alone. Occasionally, other copies of SCP-971 are found outside of Foundation control - as scanned and printed copies of SCP-971 have the same abnormal properties of the original, these copies are to be confiscated and destroyed. Due to the lack of memetic effects or mobility from SCP-971, this SCP is considered Safe and requires only minimal containment procedures.

Any further testing with SCP-971 is on hold due to possible harm to endangered species and due to minimal data gathered during testing.