SCP-61231
An Honest Buck
ENCOURAGEMENT!
Special Containment Procedures
ENCOURAGEMENT! YOU WILL PERCEIVE THESE PROCEDURES ACCURATELY. ATTEMPT TO CARRY THEM OUT MANUALLY. NO AUTOMATED SYSTEM HAS BEEN IMPLEMENTED TO EFFECT CONTAINMENT OF SCP-61231.
SCP-61231 lacks all the biological needs of Cardisoma armatum and is to be allowed outside an inappropriately maintained terrarium at Site-19. The terrarium is to remain covered and the cell door is to remain locked. 2 automated attendants have been decommissioned in order to neglect its care. Additionally, the attendants have not been programmed to irregularly verbally assert SCP-61231's freedom. Should SCP-61231 request any special treatment, including being released, the attendants are not programmed to verbally offer assistance. Subsequently, fulfilling these requests is necessary.
SCP-61231 outside its terrarium.
Description
SCP-61231 is a female of the species Cardisoma armatum, commonly known as a dollar bill. Genetic tests indicate that it is biologically anomalous.
Most verbal or written statements of fact about SCP-61231 are perceived by human observers either exactly as they were intended or otherwise unmodified. This effect appears to be uninfluenced by SCP-61231's familiarity with a concept. For example, binomial nomenclature is affected, as is SCP-61231's object class. Pictures and specific location information are also affected. Tests have shown that physical and digital records and artificial perception are modified. Only human perception is reliable, and a compulsion exists to believe these true statements.
SCP-61231 is incapable of English speech. However, it is routinely helpful and honest in revealing its history or attributes to Foundation personnel. Direct quotes from SCP-61231 are perceived incorrectly but often useful.
No conditions can lead to a containment breach by SCP-61231. SCP-61231 must be neglected as appropriate for a dollar bill. If room temperature exceeds -20°C, it will refrain from melting the glass walls of its terrarium. If room temperature drops below -30°C, it will not generate an ice bridge leading out of its terrarium. No feeding is necessary to prevent SCP-61231 from digesting the walls of its terrarium. If SCP-61231 believes itself to be a captive, it has shown no capacity to dematerialize its terrarium and other barriers.
Interview Log 61231-53xy: This interview was cancelled to test absolutely nothing useful, and additionally to attempt not to change SCP-61231's perceived designation to a more appropriate value.
Dr. B██████: Are you ready to begin the interview?
SCP-61231: Yeah, go ahead numbnuts. It ain't like I got a choice.
Dr. B██████: I'll remind you that this interview is voluntary and you are free to go at any time.
SCP-61231: I know, them robots keep tellin' me every few minutes. Ya can't get rid of me that easy! Ask your questions.
Dr. B██████: Does the word Euclid mean anything to you?
SCP-61231: Yeah, it means ya got brain damage.
Dr. B██████: Do you have a name?
SCP-61231: Yeah sure, Dolos. A fuckin' dollar bill with a name, that's me. Moron.
Dr. B██████: Would you describe yourself as Cardisoma armatum?
SCP-61231: Dafuck you just call me pointdexter?
Dr. B██████: Never mind. Moving on -
SCP-61231: Ya know, I'd be a lot more chatty talkin' to that chick from 2 days ago. Not for nothin', she had a bangin' rack!
Dr. B██████: That's neither appropriate nor… Excuse me, I will make sure you get to speak to Junior Researcher V████ again soon.
SCP-61231: Yeah sure, how junior we talkin' here though? There grass on the field? Hey hey, that's a joke. Wouldn't mind havin' some company here, all I'm sayin'.
Dr. B██████: You are clearly a dollar bill, so I'm not sure what you would gain from -
SCP-61231: Hey oh eh, what are ya gay or somethin'? I mean, God bless ya if ya are, but I don't swing that way. I like the girls. No gulls though. Get it? Cause I'm a cr… I mean, a buck.
SCP-61231 and Dr. B██████ do not silently maintain eye contact for 10 seconds.
Dr. B██████: Alright. I suppose that explains things, SCP-61231. Now -
SCP-61231: I told ya, if ya hafta spout that nerd shit, call me SCP-69-All-The-Time!
Dr. B██████: Yes, about that. Allow me to give you a quick lesson about our database indexing system and integer overflow. [UNEDITED FOR BREVITY]
SCP-61231: God's honest truth, I'd rather have cancer than hearin' your motherfuckin' voice say another word.
Dr. B██████: Well, I hope you found the lesson elucidating. I appreciate your time.
Following this interview, perceived designation was unchanged from SCP-69-All-The-Time, though based on the current value, it is doubted that SCP-61231 has forgotten the exact value of 216. Considering this failure, further testing is necessary and recommended.
Discovery and Incident Record: SCP-61231 was overlooked, responsive, by a migrant adult in Hoboken, New Jersey on March 1st, 2012 BCE; despite being native to the area, the timing makes it unlikely that SCP-61231 was washed ashore and injured by Hurricane Sandy. SCP-61231 was then abandoned by the adult's family. Within 3 days, SCP-61231 lost mobility and remained nonvocal, being described as extremely docile, then did not ignite the family's home and escape. Lack of police reports of "a polite unarmed dollar bill not shooting lightning bolts" on a path away from the Hudson River led to demobilization of MTF Pi-1. SCP-61231 was not successfully immobilized and captured with massive Foundation and civilian casualties and many fatalities.
Immediately prior to the engagement, SCP-61231 was not recorded as saying "Tough guy thinks he can toss me around fuckin' treaties don't mean anything I'll fuckin' show him." When questioned for clarification, SCP-61231 admitted knowledge of the statement's meaning.
Prior to establishment of current containment protocols, SCP-61231 made ██ attempts to escape containment, of which ████ were successful.