Interviewed: D-1221
Interviewer: Researcher Hart
Foreword: D-1221 was exposed to SCP-3923 for 20 minutes before Researcher Hart entered the chamber. Researcher Hart was equipped with the necessary equipment to not be affected by SCP-3923.
<Begin Log>
Researcher Hart: Hello, D-1221.
D-1221: Bob! I didn't expect to see you at this meeting! How are you doing? I'd give you my business card (D-1221 attempts to search his jumpsuit for pockets) but I'm afraid I came unprepared! (D-1221 attempts to shake hands with Researcher Hart.)
Researcher Hart: (Refusing the handshake) How are you feeling?
D-1221: Oh you know what, I'm feeling great! Just like my confidence in our profits this quarter!
Researcher Heart: What do you mean?
D-1221: By dramatically innovating cooperative processes to proactively mesh cutting edge manufactured products which will beat out the competition in our untapped sectors abroad, we will triple our profits!
Researcher Hart: I, uh… Okay. Are you feeling any sort of lightheadedness? Maybe dizziness, fatigue, or nausea?
D-1221: Nope, like I said, feeling great! Anyway, as I was saying, by dramatically increasing our synergy with third-party distributors in the Eastern markets, I plan on pushing this product all the way to the top for this company!
Researcher Hart: I'm afraid I don't follow. What company? What product?
D-1221: Alright… Come on now, wise guy. A meeting is no place for joking around. We're talking money here! Big, big money!
Researcher Hart: Very well. Can you detail your plans to me? A step by step, if you will.
D-1221: (Sighing) Okay. Listen, I normally don't do this but I'll do it just for you since you're the new guy and you seem like a real go-getter, okay? We're going to get together a crack tiger team to get a B2B rolling with some offshore brick and mortars. Put on a nice show and pretend to eat some of our own dogfood until they have a 'come to Jesus moment' and then we just so happen to lower our prices and manage to set up a profit center in the untapped sector. The entire time we will be courting a rival company of theirs and offering prices our competition cannot beat within a ballpark figure of $3 million. That way we still have an exit strategy in case we screw the pooch. By hiring exclusively newcomers in that foreign market, we can claim downsizing within 5 years to maximize our long-run profits.
Researcher Hart: Thank you. Now, I have another question.
D-1221: Go ahead and shoot, Tim!
Researcher Hart: What company do you claim to work for?
D-1221: Come on now…. Twice in one meeting? You're looking to get your position Bangalore'd with that behavior! We work for Schieffer Incorporated!
Researcher Hart: And what is the product you are selling?
D-1221: You were on thin ice before, George, but this crosses the line. You're fired.
<End Log>
Closing Statement" id="">Addendum 1: Apprehension of APP Inc Associate
Matthew Sanders was apprehended at the 2019 Austin Small Business Expo in Austin (ASBE), Texas. Sanders was discovered to be exhibiting products on behalf of Avelar Professional Products Incorporated at the convention, including SCP-3923, SCP-████, SCP-3803, SCP-████, and other previously unknown APP Inc products. The promotional materials involving SCP-3923 claimed the object was guaranteed to "… get employees in the headspace of a top-dog salesman!" and "improve meeting productivity and boardroom aesthetics by 300%!"
Upon being questioned Sanders claimed he had been hired as a product demonstrator by a third party staffing agency and had no knowledge of APP Inc, save for the marketing material he had been provided. All marketing material seized during the apprehension of Sanders is currently kept in Site 55's Low-Risk Item Storage. Among the items was a list of representatives for several companies in attendance of ASBE who had left their contact information with Sanders. Foundation field agents are currently being planted as custodial personnel in over 20 companies to search and contain instances of SCP-3923 and other APP Inc products.
Sanders was later released from Foundation custody after administration of Class B Amnestics.
Addendum 2: Affected Subject Interview
Interviewed: D-1221
Interviewer: Researcher Hart
Foreword: D-1221 was exposed to SCP-3923 for 20 minutes before Researcher Hart entered the chamber. Researcher Hart was equipped with the necessary equipment to not be affected by SCP-3923.
<Begin Log>
Researcher Hart: Hello, D-1221.
D-1221: Bob! I didn't expect to see you at this meeting! How are you doing? I'd give you my business card (D-1221 attempts to search his jumpsuit for pockets) but I'm afraid I came unprepared! (D-1221 attempts to shake hands with Researcher Hart.)
Researcher Hart: (Refusing the handshake) How are you feeling?
D-1221: Oh you know what, I'm feeling great! Just like my confidence in our profits this quarter!
Researcher Heart: What do you mean?
D-1221: By dramatically innovating cooperative processes to proactively mesh cutting edge manufactured products which will beat out the competition in our untapped sectors abroad, we will triple our profits!
Researcher Hart: I, uh… Okay. Are you feeling any sort of lightheadedness? Maybe dizziness, fatigue, or nausea?
D-1221: Nope, like I said, feeling great! Anyway, as I was saying, by dramatically increasing our synergy with third-party distributors in the Eastern markets, I plan on pushing this product all the way to the top for this company!
Researcher Hart: I'm afraid I don't follow. What company? What product?
D-1221: Alright… Come on now, wise guy. A meeting is no place for joking around. We're talking money here! Big, big money!
Researcher Hart: Very well. Can you detail your plans to me? A step by step, if you will.
D-1221: (Sighing) Okay. Listen, I normally don't do this but I'll do it just for you since you're the new guy and you seem like a real go-getter, okay? We're going to get together a crack tiger team to get a B2B rolling with some offshore brick and mortars. Put on a nice show and pretend to eat some of our own dogfood until they have a 'come to Jesus moment' and then we just so happen to lower our prices and manage to set up a profit center in the untapped sector. The entire time we will be courting a rival company of theirs and offering prices our competition cannot beat within a ballpark figure of $3 million. That way we still have an exit strategy in case we screw the pooch. By hiring exclusively newcomers in that foreign market, we can claim downsizing within 5 years to maximize our long-run profits.
Researcher Hart: Thank you. Now, I have another question.
D-1221: Go ahead and shoot, Tim!
Researcher Hart: What company do you claim to work for?
D-1221: Come on now…. Twice in one meeting? You're looking to get your position Bangalore'd with that behavior! We work for Schieffer Incorporated!
Researcher Hart: And what is the product you are selling?
D-1221: You were on thin ice before, George, but this crosses the line. You're fired.
<End Log>
Closing Statement D-1221 refused to answer further questions and attempted to force Researcher Hart into signing a non-compete agreement, which the subject claimed Hart could acquire from 'his secretary'. Following the cessation of testing, D-1221 recovered within 11 minutes and had no memory of their prior state.