SCP-3885
The High-Octane Full-Throttle Adventures of the Exploding Zombie Gearheads
Object Class: Esoteric
SCP-3885, moments before aerial observation drone disabled via flamethrower and scavenged by SCP-3885-01
Special Containment Procedures
As Vulture Gulch is officially designated a ghost town by Maricopa County, little administrative containment is required. A perimeter of reinforced concrete barricades surrounding SCP-3885 will be maintained and monitored by a permanent armed security contingent under the guise of ongoing hazardous material cleanup.
To incentivize continued good behavior, SCP-3885-01 are to be provided three inoperable or decommissioned automobiles per month.
Description
SCP-3885 is the small mining town of Vulture Gulch, located in Maricopa County, Arizona, United States of America, which was officially declared abandoned on July 9th, 1973, primarily due to concerns over the amount of radon gas being produced by the uranium deposits present in nearby Vulture Gulch Mine.
SCP-3885 occupies an area of less than 6 km², and was home to 359 inhabitants at its most populous. Currently the majority of the town remains intact albeit in dilapidated condition, despite the activities of SCP-3885-01.
SCP-3885-01 is the collective designation for the current residents of SCP-3885.
SCP-3885-01 are humanoid entities confirmed to be genetically human, but with a number of anomalous properties. SCP-3885-01 outwardly resemble humans in a state of significant decomposition and desiccation. Many exhibit signs of bodily trauma, such as missing body parts or significant laceration; however, some others display apparent mutations such as highly increased muscle mass or additional limbs. All SCP-3885-01 entities demonstrate greatly enhanced physical strength and durability regardless of body type. How SCP-3885-01 exhibit these properties despite their apparent state of physical decay and lack of conventional biological vitality is unknown.
These entities inhabit the ruins of SCP-3885 and appear to adhere to a loosely-structured communal society which centers around the construction, repair, maintenance, and utilization of heavily modified automobiles. Prior to containment, SCP-3885-01 were observed to periodically drive to surrounding townships, whereupon they would locate and steal vehicles from garages, auto parts suppliers, and dealerships (in addition to miscellaneous parts and tools) before returning them to Vulture Gulch to be scavenged and mechanically altered. While several instances of these raids were observed, and SCP-3885-01 entities would frequently threaten civilians with violence if their goods were not surrendered, there is no recorded instance of SCP-3885-01 having carried out any act of physical assault against any member of the surrounding populace.
Typical result of SCP-3885-01 attempt at automotive engineering.
SCP-3885-01 display low overall intelligence, and exhibit only rudimentary understanding of automotive mechanics or engineering in general. As a result the vehicles produced by SCP-3885-01 invariably range from merely structurally flawed and inoperable to extremely hazardous, with 43% of observed creations suffering catastrophic mechanical failure via conflagration and explosion. This is typically the result of SCP-3885-01 attempting to utilize superfluous vehicular modifications such as dramatically increased fuel reservoirs, multiple interlinked engines, poorly-constructed jet boosters, and high-pressure flame-based weaponry.
These entities are aware of the Foundation and their containment, but have yet to express overt animosity or ill will toward Foundation personnel and have not attempted to breach containment. They can be freely interacted with and are not currently considered to pose an active threat to individuals assigned to SCP-3885 containment.
Addendum 3885-02 - SCP-3885 surveillance expedition.
Observation Element: Remote-operated aerial drone ROAD-09, equipped with reactive camouflage plates.
Mission Parameters: Observe SCP-3885-01 behavior in situ.
ROAD-09 flies over concrete containment barricade, activating stealth system. Drone begins observations at south end of Gold Street, Vulture Gulch's main avenue.
Multiple SCP-3885-01 can be seen, engaging in various activities. A circular gathering has formed in the center of the road, where one SCP-3885-01 can be seen repeatedly dunking its head into a trough of gasoline and setting itself ablaze with a lighter, apparently for the amusement of the others. This continues for twenty minutes, with each instance of self-immolation being met with consistently enthusiastic applause and cheering from the audience.
ROAD-09 continues down the street. Outside one of the many impromptu garages established by SCP-3885-01, one entity can be seen sitting on the ground, smoking three cigarettes simultaneously and performing maintenance on a partially-disassembled car engine. The SCP-3885-01 is unsuccessfully attempting to insert an improperly-assembled cylinder assembly into the engine's cylinder head, due to the aforementioned being too large for its intended recess. The SCP-3885-01 stands and attempts to force the overlarge piston into the cylinder head with a sledgehammer, which results in the piston deforming and becoming percussion-welded in place. The SCP-3885-01 then shouts various obscenities at the engine for two minutes before picking it up and throwing it 30 meters through the wall of a building on the opposite side of the street.
Observation drone is directed further down Gold Street, which ends in a T-junction. Two vehicles (a heavily modified 1992 Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1 and a 1997 Jeep Grand Cherokee) approach from the right and left and crash headlong into one another at the center of the junction, resulting in a large explosion. Several SCP-3885-01 entities emerge unharmed from the flames, laughing and lighting cigars off the wreckage and one another's burning clothing.
ROAD-09 is directed into the ruin of an automotive garage, where two SCP-3885-01 can be seen standing in the service area near a hydraulic elevator jack, engaged in conversation. One, designated here as A, possesses four arms and is wearing worn work clothes with a chef's apron bearing the legend “KISS MY GRITS” in colorful print. The other, designated B, is taller, wearing ill-fitting motorcycle leathers, broken sunglasses, and smoking two cigars.
SCP-3885-01-A: Nah dude, Rammy told me, that shit works. Like, hot sauce is hot, right? It's got like, temperature in it. And you want that shit in there to be hot as possible, and you know how gas is like, cold until you light it? So, you put hot sauce in the gas tank. That makes the gas spicy so it can burn better.
SCP-3885-01-B: That's fucking dumb dude. Gas doesn't have a tongue, so how could it taste itself?
SCP-3885-01-A: No, no man, it's like… it's like science and shit. It's chemicals. Chemicals is good for cars.
SCP-3885-01-B: You're a chemical.
SCP-3885-01-A: Fuck you dude, you're a chemical.
Pause. SCP-3885-01-B picks up a strap wrench from the tool chest it is leaning on.
SCP-3885-01-B: What the fuck even is this? A shitty dildo?
SCP-3885-01-A laughs.
SCP-3885-01-A: Oh Paulie. You're so fucking stupid. That's a Norwegian flange rectifier. Vikings use them to put horns on their hot rods, which is metal, but it's also fancy, because it's Europe.
SCP-3885-01-B inserts the strap wrench into its mouth briefly.
SCP-3885-01-B: Tastes like a screwdriver. I think this is just a weird screwdriver. For idiots.
SCP-3885-01-B throws the strap wrench across the room.
SCP-3885-01-B: I hate it. It's floppy.
SCP-3885-01-A: Whatever dude. Oh dude, I heard the boss is gonna be here soon.
SCP-3885-01-B: What? Nuh-uh.
SCP-3885-01-A: Yeah-huh, Joey Fucknuts told me.
SCP-3885-01-B narrows its eyes.
SCP-3885-01-B: Well… Joey Fucknuts is a genius. I saw him eat a headlight once.
SCP-3885-01-A: I know, right? He knows like, everything. And yeah, he says the boss is gonna be here.
SCP-3885-01-B: Why though? Are we in trouble? I think we're doing a really good job. We set a rock on fire yesterday. Rocks don't burn, dude.
SCP-3885-01-A: No, no, I think it's because of those dudes outside.
SCP-3885-01-B: Those dudes? I like those dudes. They talk fancy and give us cars. We don't have to like, go fuck with people anymore. I didn't like fucking with people. It made me sad.
SCP-3885-01-A: Yeah but, like, we can't leave. I think we're supposed to leave and do shit.
SCP-3885-01-B: What shit?
SCP-3885-01-A: Dude, the boss fucking told us when he put us here. The shit. The shit we're supposed to do all over the place out there. The super fucking metal badass excellent shit.
SCP-3885-01-B: Yeah but what shit, though?
SCP-3885-01-A" 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3885-01: Examples of SCP-3885-01 vehicle production.
| Date | Vehicle Description | Performance |
|---|---|---|
| 18 July 2003 | Heavily armored Pontiac Firebird, modified to accommodate two extra engines (both turbocharged) connected to reinforced transmission linkages with wheel wells widened to house greatly oversized tires. | Excessive torque provided by multiple engines causes gearbox and transmission to instantly shear, launching metal shrapnel in all directions. Multiple cylinder misfires combined with a missing air filter results in catastrophic cylinder failure and subsequent conflagration. |
| 04 January, 2007 | Volkswagen Type 2 van, wrapped with concertina wire and equipped with seventeen improvised flamethrowers. | Immediate explosion, due to electrically linking all flamethrower triggers to activate simultaneously with vehicle's ignition system and the placement of vehicle's expanded fuel reservoir directly adjacent to uninsulated wiring. |
| 12 April 2011 | 2010 Ford F-350 pickup truck, with jet turbine placed in bed. | No result upon ignition, due to jet turbine being constructed of scrap metal harvested from no less than 37 separate sources and exhibiting no clear adherence to jet propulsion scientific or design principles. Item then detonates due to improperly prepared propellant in conjunction with multiple poorly-installed fuel line gaskets. |
| 27 November 2015 | Monster truck, each wheel replaced with an entire 1965 Ford Mustang. Central chassis armored, spiked, and equipped with four flamethrowers, a sound system consisting of nineteen haphazardly-placed guitar amplifier stacks, and an ice cream dispenser. | Vehicle completely nonfunctional; however, sound system successfully plays a rotating selection of heavy metal music (including, but not limited to, Metallica, Motley Crüe, Testament, and Rob Zombie) at a volume of over 120 decibels. Described by one SCP-3885-01 instance as “the most metal ice cream maker in fucking history”. |
Addendum 3885-02 - SCP-3885 surveillance expedition.
Observation Element: Remote-operated aerial drone ROAD-09, equipped with reactive camouflage plates.
Mission Parameters: Observe SCP-3885-01 behavior in situ.
ROAD-09 flies over concrete containment barricade, activating stealth system. Drone begins observations at south end of Gold Street, Vulture Gulch's main avenue.
Multiple SCP-3885-01 can be seen, engaging in various activities. A circular gathering has formed in the center of the road, where one SCP-3885-01 can be seen repeatedly dunking its head into a trough of gasoline and setting itself ablaze with a lighter, apparently for the amusement of the others. This continues for twenty minutes, with each instance of self-immolation being met with consistently enthusiastic applause and cheering from the audience.
ROAD-09 continues down the street. Outside one of the many impromptu garages established by SCP-3885-01, one entity can be seen sitting on the ground, smoking three cigarettes simultaneously and performing maintenance on a partially-disassembled car engine. The SCP-3885-01 is unsuccessfully attempting to insert an improperly-assembled cylinder assembly into the engine's cylinder head, due to the aforementioned being too large for its intended recess. The SCP-3885-01 stands and attempts to force the overlarge piston into the cylinder head with a sledgehammer, which results in the piston deforming and becoming percussion-welded in place. The SCP-3885-01 then shouts various obscenities at the engine for two minutes before picking it up and throwing it 30 meters through the wall of a building on the opposite side of the street.
Observation drone is directed further down Gold Street, which ends in a T-junction. Two vehicles (a heavily modified 1992 Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1 and a 1997 Jeep Grand Cherokee) approach from the right and left and crash headlong into one another at the center of the junction, resulting in a large explosion. Several SCP-3885-01 entities emerge unharmed from the flames, laughing and lighting cigars off the wreckage and one another's burning clothing.
ROAD-09 is directed into the ruin of an automotive garage, where two SCP-3885-01 can be seen standing in the service area near a hydraulic elevator jack, engaged in conversation. One, designated here as A, possesses four arms and is wearing worn work clothes with a chef's apron bearing the legend “KISS MY GRITS” in colorful print. The other, designated B, is taller, wearing ill-fitting motorcycle leathers, broken sunglasses, and smoking two cigars.
SCP-3885-01-A: Nah dude, Rammy told me, that shit works. Like, hot sauce is hot, right? It's got like, temperature in it. And you want that shit in there to be hot as possible, and you know how gas is like, cold until you light it? So, you put hot sauce in the gas tank. That makes the gas spicy so it can burn better.
SCP-3885-01-B: That's fucking dumb dude. Gas doesn't have a tongue, so how could it taste itself?
SCP-3885-01-A: No, no man, it's like… it's like science and shit. It's chemicals. Chemicals is good for cars.
SCP-3885-01-B: You're a chemical.
SCP-3885-01-A: Fuck you dude, you're a chemical.
Pause. SCP-3885-01-B picks up a strap wrench from the tool chest it is leaning on.
SCP-3885-01-B: What the fuck even is this? A shitty dildo?
SCP-3885-01-A laughs.
SCP-3885-01-A: Oh Paulie. You're so fucking stupid. That's a Norwegian flange rectifier. Vikings use them to put horns on their hot rods, which is metal, but it's also fancy, because it's Europe.
SCP-3885-01-B inserts the strap wrench into its mouth briefly.
SCP-3885-01-B: Tastes like a screwdriver. I think this is just a weird screwdriver. For idiots.
SCP-3885-01-B throws the strap wrench across the room.
SCP-3885-01-B: I hate it. It's floppy.
SCP-3885-01-A: Whatever dude. Oh dude, I heard the boss is gonna be here soon.
SCP-3885-01-B: What? Nuh-uh.
SCP-3885-01-A: Yeah-huh, Joey Fucknuts told me.
SCP-3885-01-B narrows its eyes.
SCP-3885-01-B: Well… Joey Fucknuts is a genius. I saw him eat a headlight once.
SCP-3885-01-A: I know, right? He knows like, everything. And yeah, he says the boss is gonna be here.
SCP-3885-01-B: Why though? Are we in trouble? I think we're doing a really good job. We set a rock on fire yesterday. Rocks don't burn, dude.
SCP-3885-01-A: No, no, I think it's because of those dudes outside.
SCP-3885-01-B: Those dudes? I like those dudes. They talk fancy and give us cars. We don't have to like, go fuck with people anymore. I didn't like fucking with people. It made me sad.
SCP-3885-01-A: Yeah but, like, we can't leave. I think we're supposed to leave and do shit.
SCP-3885-01-B: What shit?
SCP-3885-01-A: Dude, the boss fucking told us when he put us here. The shit. The shit we're supposed to do all over the place out there. The super fucking metal badass excellent shit.
SCP-3885-01-B: Yeah but what shit, though?
SCP-3885-01-A: … I don't remember.
It is currently unclear how SCP-3885-01 continue to find access to items such as fuel and tobacco products despite not being provided with these materials by the Foundation. It is suspected that this anomalous method of resupply is somehow related to the entity referred to by SCP-3885-01 as “the boss”. Investigation is ongoing.