Description
SCP-3761 is the designation for an anomalous event that will occur on 07/23/2063, which is currently theorized to be the date of an event affecting all species of Sciuridae (squirrels). SCP-3761's existence has been identified by prediction based anomalies as well as multiple texts of varying origins that show similar outcomes on the aforementioned date.
It is currently theorized that during SCP-3761, every squirrel on Earth will dig a hole approximately .5 meters underneath their current location, in which a space-time anomaly will manifest, transporting each squirrel to .5 meters directly underneath Butler County, Kansas, USA. The squirrels will dig out of their holes, and will attack one another in an unknown manner (see SCP-3761 Documentation 3761-2). SCP-3761 will end on 07/24/2063, whereby all surviving squirrels will utilize the stated space-time anomaly to return to their original locations, and will refill the holes with dirt once they have successfully transported back.
SCP-3761-A is the collective designation for all squirrels on Earth. It has been observed that SCP-3761-A ranks approximately an 8.9-9.1 on the FAITH scale. SCP-3761-A as a whole are capable of learning human languages and can communicate by carving into the bark of trees. However, squirrels have never attempted to communicate with humans, and all attempts at an interview with a squirrel have been met with failure. In extremely rare cases, it has been observed that SCP-3761-A instances are capable of verbal communication (see SCP-3761 Documentation 3761-3).
SCP-3761-1 designates a religious group, colloquially known as the "Church of Patteeism", that practices the belief of squirrel and human equality. Members of the group include individuals of varying ethnic background and age groups. Most of SCP-3761-1's members live within an area in █████, India that it has dubbed "The Secluded Oak." Further information regarding this location is unavailable to the Foundation. The current leader of SCP-3761-1 is Grand Prophet Timothy Lockridge.
A reproduction of Hand of the Trees in Greek.
SCP-3761-1 has been observed performing rituals to appease their deity, which is referred to as "पेड़ प्राणी", or "Tree Critter". The nature of said rituals vary greatly, and have been observed to have included praying, preparation of food, the burning of wood sculptures in the shape of a falcon, and simple chanting.
A mantra is used during these rituals, and is regarded as a vital part of it. The following is an English version of the mantra confiscated from an SCP-3761-1 outpost:
We were once with the Trees,
Rolling plains as far as the eye can see.
Out of the tree we went, walking with the Grass Sea,
Out of the caring leaves that made us Free,
Our ancestors saw what their brethren would be,
And would watch over us in the Canopy,
Tree Critter ditto shows pity,
He raises His hand and shows our only Quality,
His light guiding us to Equality,
Where we once more can be with the Trees.
According to confiscated text "Hand of the Trees", Tree Critter has the body structure of a human, and the head of a squirrel. Tree Critter is said to wear only a red and white striped robe with a hood that covers their eyes, and is noted to always carry a large unidentified scroll. According to Hand of the Trees, Tree Critter is capable of taking the form of anything it desires, but it chooses the previously aforementioned form when communicating with SCP-3761-1.
SCP-3761-1 has stated on multiple occasions that it will attempt to assist in SCP-3761, however it is currently unknown how they will accomplish this.
| Anomaly | Method of Prediction |
| SCP-1032 | SCP-1032 displays a hand that reads "The War of the Squirrels" which will reach its midnight event on 07/24/2063, suggesting that SCP-3761 will only last 24 hours. |
| SCP-187 | SCP-187 states that she feels extremely uncomfortable and upset whenever she is within Butler County, Kansas. She states that the entire area is filled with holes that have squirrel carcasses within them. |
| SCP-411 | SCP-411 has, on multiple occasions, said that it "remembers" the "The Battle of the Tree Rats" occurring on 07/23/2063 in "The Breadbasket of America." SCP-411 has stated that it does not wish to grant any more information than this. |
| SCP-2327 | After SCP-2327 specimens leave instances of SCP-2327-1, a message is almost always found within the subjects' stomach lining, most likely written with their claws before attempting to escape. An autopsy of an SCP-2327-1 instance reveals that it reads "Remmember warr [sic]". |
| SCP-2050 | SCP-2050 regards SCP-3761 as a extremely important event to them, and states that it would rival the "Crusades of the Woodchucks". It is unknown what this refers to. Additionally, SCP-2050 believes that Kansas is actually the Middle East country of Palestine. |
| SCP-2003 | Determinate Set XL continues normally in a manner similar to XN until 07/23/2063 where all species of Sciuridae go completely extinct from an unknown virus that spreads only through squirrel species. The virus is regarded as "The TAKE CARE Virus" by local scientific groups for unknown reasons. |
| SCP-2707 | [DATA EXPUNGED]. If SCP-2707 is to live beyond its suspected natural life-span, SCP-2707 is to be decommissioned on 07/22/2063. Failure to do so will result in a CK-Class Dominance Shift scenario. |
Addendum-B: LEVEL 3 CLEARANCE REQUIRED TO ACCESS THE FOLLOWING FILES
The following are excerpts from Hand of the Trees, SCP-3761-1's religious text. The text is written entirely in Hindi, and has been translated to English.
A sapling grew from the Rocky Grounds below, birthing bountiful fruit. From the fruits came a great Being, Tree Critter. Tree Critter tasted the fruit, and thought it plentiful. From the fruit, Tree Critter created other great Beings, the Wild Gods. Attuned to the nature around them, Wild Gods were in harmony with their surroundings. Wub're, The Frog God, ruled the shallow lakes and ponds. Psaw, The Flower Mistress, ruled over the Flowers and the Bees. Coy'te, The Joker, ruled over the Wolves and the Predators. Wei'kaamukuu, the Healer, ruled over the great Stallions of The Breadlands. And of course, Tree Critter ruled over the Squirrels that populated the land. - Paragraph 2.
Mess'r, The Tinker, was the last to Rise with Tree Critter. Mess'r asked Tree Critter with a Voice: "Oh great Critter, what may I rule over?" Tree Critter responded, "You will rule over the Rulers, you will watch over the Watchers, you are the God of Gods." Mess'r walked the Rocky Grounds with two legs, using their front hands to carry the World. On his left shoulder the Values, and on his right shoulder the Tree for which new fruit shall be grown. And with Mess'r's intellect birthed all of Creation and Complexity, both flesh and metal and the inbetween. And it was glorious. -Paragraph 5.
Mess'r did bear children, and those children did bear children, and with that created Humanity and all of its followers. Mess'r's legacy lived on in their offspring. With the new found Humanity, they built a world where Mess'r's legacy would rule over the Wild Gods and their offspring. Mess'r said to Tree Critter: "Oh great Critter, I have ruled over the Rulers, I have watched over the Watchers, I have become the God of Gods, what else is there for me in this world?" Tree Critter responded: "Your job here is done, Tinker. May you rest in peace, and let Humanity shape this world for the better." Mess'r smiled, as they slowly sank into the Rocky Grounds. From their grave, came a new tree, bearing new fruit. -Paragraph 13
A man of noble heart walked the Rocky Grounds, in search for food for his family. That man was The Caretaker, one that studied the ways of Tree Critter, Humanity, and Squirrelkind. The Caretaker walked into the Great Tree, and into the bakery. The Baker said: "Caretaker, Son of Tree Critter, I am blessed that you have arrived in our great city." The Caretaker responded: "I am only here for a simple request. My family is starving, and I require bread to sustain them." The Caretaker took the offered bread. -Paragraph 179
The Caretaker heard a crunch underneath his foot, for he looked down and saw a dead squirrel underneath. The Great Tree witnessed the forfeit of the life of one of their own. Many gasped, many screamed, all of them scared. The blood seeped into the ground, and birthed a new tree, with withered bark and grey fruit, siphoning all hope and sanctuary from the land, known to many as the "Heart of Corruption." A holy flash appeared to The Caretaker, and a familiar voice introduced themselves. "Oh, Great Caretaker, you have violated the laws of the Forest. A life was snuffed out by your careless eye, and allowed entry into Narak from the Heart of Corruption. Leave, or face my relentless punishment." The Caretaker pleaded, stating that this wasn't of malicious drive, of how he values the life of squirrels and the world's sanctity very much. -Paragraph 180
"I am deeply sorry, Tree Critter, but I cannot leave, my family will starve if I do not get food for them! I shall cut down the Heart of Corruption and cleanse myself of malice." Tree Critter shed a tear, and trapped The Caretaker in a prison of light. "I am deeply sorry as well, Caretaker." Tree Critter summoned Kara, The Eternal Spear, and prepared to banish The Caretaker to the depths of Narak. Tree Critter lowered his hand, snuffed the Heart of Corruption, and began to rise into the air. "I have more important matters to attend to. If you truly care for the Forest, you will leave it." The Caretaker left the Great Tree, never to return. -Paragraph 181
Many of Squirrelkind despised The Caretaker. "His carelessness has cost us the life of one held dear, and stained The Great Tree. If Tree Critter shall not punish them, we will." Others forgave The Caretaker for his actions. "It was a pure accident, The Caretaker is a Man noble at heart, friend of Nature and Squirrelkind, the Heart of Corruption was not his corruption." The Squirrels that despised The Caretaker planned a punishment of the highest order: the defilement of their homeland, just like he did to theirs. Whether alive or dead, The Caretaker's legacy will be tarnished for all eternity. Time will be needed to prepare, many hundreds of years will be spent preparing to tarnish The Breadlands. -Paragraph 183
The Squirrels who forgave The Caretaker heard of this plan, and would intercept their attack on The Breadlands on the day of the attack. Soon, the Squirrels who despised The Caretaker learned of this, and it would be agreed that a great Battle would be held on the grounds of The Caretaker's homeland. And by decision of Squirrelkind, it would be called "Nubelere de Hoyo", or in Humanity's tongue "The War of The Squirrels," and it would be glorious. -Paragraph 184
RECOVERED CARVINGS FROM SCP-3761-A
On ██/██/████, MTF Tau-63 encountered engravings inside of 2 separate dead trees in ████████, Kenya which were written in Swahili, and are theorized to be related to SCP-3761-A. They have been transcribed here after translation to English.
Dear Grand Leader Lor-Thormar
It happened again. More friendly squirrels get taken by evil squirrels for testing. Bad testing. I don't know much, but tests kill squirrels from what heard. More humans from the Squirrel Superiority group also came along and told us of situation. They worried. They also tell me thing I do not know: There are two groups of squirrel humans: Proto and Neo. Protos love Caretaker, and Neos hate Caretaker. Told us they were Proto, and I let them in.
They told us that they loved Caretaker just as much as us. Probably more in fact. They however told me very confusing sentence: Caretaker is already dead. No he not? Caretaker is alive, alive as ever. Which is good thing. Also told us of "Kansas". I corrected them and said "Breadlands", since that's actual name. Kansas sounds like silly name.
What was I saying? Oh yes. They are taking more and more of our kind every day. It making other squirrels morale low. Very low, can confirm. This is proposal for development of weaponry like ones humans make. Weaponry that doesn't kill, but stops. Would help in War greatly.
Neo squirrels use cruel weapons. Nothing but shadows and misery are left when they attack. Cruel bombs, cruel blades, cruel seeds. While many want to kill them, they are still our brothers, and we should never harm brothers, no matter how twisted. Thus why make stopping weaponry, not kill.
Got off topic again. Point is we need to break in their Tree and get back our stolen squirrel brothers.
Love live the Caretaker. Ankala-Koresh Daleem
-General Rommoth-Balash
War in ██ years. We are not ready. Must prepare. Learned lot from humans. Human weapons strong. Imitation done. Following are prototypes for weapons made for Squirrel-Kind.
Death to the Caretaker.
Nut-Pelter: Small metal thing with long tube on one end. Tube shoots out nuts, includes acorns, walnuts, pistachios, and cashews. Capable of entering squirrel skin and killing. Each soldier gets one.
Life-Grower: Not weapon; trained technique by Squad Number Apple. Squirrels shoot special magic seeds out of mouth, pierces skin. Tiny trees grow inside of bodies. Roots enter ground and entangle nearby squirrels. Very useful.
Bite-and-Choke-Gas: Small objects shaped like tasty acorns. Filled with deadly gas. Cracking nut causes gas to cover area. Gas causes breathing tubes esophagus breathing area to grow lumpy. Lumps actually other Gas filled acorns. Area becomes deep red and yellow mist after 10 minutes.
Human-Smarties: Tablet candies eaten by humans for fun. Eating candies causes squirrel to gain human smarts. Humans smarts causes squirrels to have human emotion, which causes less will to fight. Easily capable of hiding in food.
Ear-Ringers: Round shaped black ball. Not squirrel made; human made. When button is pushed, loud beeps heard. Big boom at black ball. Capable of killing many squirrels per black ball. Ringing in ears afterwards.
Sky-Eyes: Also not weapon; Squad Number Grass composed of Flying Squirrels. Not really Flying; more like gliding. Can throw nuts and other weapons at squirrels from sky. Super useful. Plant Redwood Tree for major Flying.
Tree-Critter-Bomb: If failing, detonate. Leave nothing but scorched earth and a tower of ash for the Caretaker.
Update: More prototypes for weapons developing. Machines almost ready. Nut-Pelters successfully kill enemy squirrel. Very good test. Other hostages not freed. Need more.
Until next time. Ankala-Koresh Enkilish
On 07/23/2013, an anomalous entity manifested within ██████████, India, which was ██ kilometers from Site-551. The entity had the facial structure of a squirrel, along with red-white striped robes. A small group of approximately 2,000 squirrels used a space-time anomaly to travel to the entity's location. Foundation forces present at Site-551 were deployed to administer amnestics to witnesses of the event. The entity began to speak to the squirrels in English once the entire population was near its vicinity.
Entity: Children, I am disappointed. When I was a boy and I heard about what war was, I would ask my grandma about it, and do you know what they said? They said that it achieves nothing but useless despair.
Entity: Yes, I was impatient in my decision to punish the Caretaker. Yes, I was a child at that point, and had only just been granted power eternal, but he has since passed away, and my children are still planning this insidious war. He has long since been forgiven for his mistake. He was a kind, happy soul who did not mean harm.
Entity: This is the last time I will come down to Earth and talk with you. I do not wish for you to carry out this war within the Breadlands, I do not wish for you to exit this world like this. You are still family. You are still brothers and sisters.
(The entity raises their arm to their chest.)
Entity: Listen, do you want to know something? I spoke to the Caretaker. On his death bed, before he met his demise, I appeared to him. We spoke about the event, and I will say: He is sorry. And I have officially accepted his apology. I hope you can understand.
(A squirrel begins to speak to the entity.)
Squirrel 1: You kidding me? You spoke to him? Trusted you, bitch!
(Another squirrel runs over to them, and puts their hands on their shoulders.)
Squirrel 2: Be calm, friend. Maybe talk?
Squirrel 1: Off me, proto fuck.
(All the squirrels begin to assault each other through physical mutilation. While this is happening, the entity sighs, and begins to slowly rise off the ground.)
Entity: The warning has been given. Your fate is now your own. Ankala-Koresh.
(The entity begins to rise from the ground to the air, watching the squirrel population attack each other. When one half of the squirrels have been killed, they begin to dig holes and use the stated space-time anomaly to transport to their original locations, all while looking at the entity.)
(After the squirrels are gone, the entity covers their face with their hands, and then begins to rub their temples as they demanifest.)
Entity" id="">Addendum-A: Abridged list of anomalies used to verify SCP-3761's existence:
| Anomaly | Method of Prediction |
| SCP-1032 | SCP-1032 displays a hand that reads "The War of the Squirrels" which will reach its midnight event on 07/24/2063, suggesting that SCP-3761 will only last 24 hours. |
| SCP-187 | SCP-187 states that she feels extremely uncomfortable and upset whenever she is within Butler County, Kansas. She states that the entire area is filled with holes that have squirrel carcasses within them. |
| SCP-411 | SCP-411 has, on multiple occasions, said that it "remembers" the "The Battle of the Tree Rats" occurring on 07/23/2063 in "The Breadbasket of America." SCP-411 has stated that it does not wish to grant any more information than this. |
| SCP-2327 | After SCP-2327 specimens leave instances of SCP-2327-1, a message is almost always found within the subjects' stomach lining, most likely written with their claws before attempting to escape. An autopsy of an SCP-2327-1 instance reveals that it reads "Remmember warr [sic]". |
| SCP-2050 | SCP-2050 regards SCP-3761 as a extremely important event to them, and states that it would rival the "Crusades of the Woodchucks". It is unknown what this refers to. Additionally, SCP-2050 believes that Kansas is actually the Middle East country of Palestine. |
| SCP-2003 | Determinate Set XL continues normally in a manner similar to XN until 07/23/2063 where all species of Sciuridae go completely extinct from an unknown virus that spreads only through squirrel species. The virus is regarded as "The TAKE CARE Virus" by local scientific groups for unknown reasons. |
| SCP-2707 | [DATA EXPUNGED]. If SCP-2707 is to live beyond its suspected natural life-span, SCP-2707 is to be decommissioned on 07/22/2063. Failure to do so will result in a CK-Class Dominance Shift scenario. |
Addendum-B: LEVEL 3 CLEARANCE REQUIRED TO ACCESS THE FOLLOWING FILES
The following are excerpts from Hand of the Trees, SCP-3761-1's religious text. The text is written entirely in Hindi, and has been translated to English.
A sapling grew from the Rocky Grounds below, birthing bountiful fruit. From the fruits came a great Being, Tree Critter. Tree Critter tasted the fruit, and thought it plentiful. From the fruit, Tree Critter created other great Beings, the Wild Gods. Attuned to the nature around them, Wild Gods were in harmony with their surroundings. Wub're, The Frog God, ruled the shallow lakes and ponds. Psaw, The Flower Mistress, ruled over the Flowers and the Bees. Coy'te, The Joker, ruled over the Wolves and the Predators. Wei'kaamukuu, the Healer, ruled over the great Stallions of The Breadlands. And of course, Tree Critter ruled over the Squirrels that populated the land. - Paragraph 2.
Mess'r, The Tinker, was the last to Rise with Tree Critter. Mess'r asked Tree Critter with a Voice: "Oh great Critter, what may I rule over?" Tree Critter responded, "You will rule over the Rulers, you will watch over the Watchers, you are the God of Gods." Mess'r walked the Rocky Grounds with two legs, using their front hands to carry the World. On his left shoulder the Values, and on his right shoulder the Tree for which new fruit shall be grown. And with Mess'r's intellect birthed all of Creation and Complexity, both flesh and metal and the inbetween. And it was glorious. -Paragraph 5.
Mess'r did bear children, and those children did bear children, and with that created Humanity and all of its followers. Mess'r's legacy lived on in their offspring. With the new found Humanity, they built a world where Mess'r's legacy would rule over the Wild Gods and their offspring. Mess'r said to Tree Critter: "Oh great Critter, I have ruled over the Rulers, I have watched over the Watchers, I have become the God of Gods, what else is there for me in this world?" Tree Critter responded: "Your job here is done, Tinker. May you rest in peace, and let Humanity shape this world for the better." Mess'r smiled, as they slowly sank into the Rocky Grounds. From their grave, came a new tree, bearing new fruit. -Paragraph 13
A man of noble heart walked the Rocky Grounds, in search for food for his family. That man was The Caretaker, one that studied the ways of Tree Critter, Humanity, and Squirrelkind. The Caretaker walked into the Great Tree, and into the bakery. The Baker said: "Caretaker, Son of Tree Critter, I am blessed that you have arrived in our great city." The Caretaker responded: "I am only here for a simple request. My family is starving, and I require bread to sustain them." The Caretaker took the offered bread. -Paragraph 179
The Caretaker heard a crunch underneath his foot, for he looked down and saw a dead squirrel underneath. The Great Tree witnessed the forfeit of the life of one of their own. Many gasped, many screamed, all of them scared. The blood seeped into the ground, and birthed a new tree, with withered bark and grey fruit, siphoning all hope and sanctuary from the land, known to many as the "Heart of Corruption." A holy flash appeared to The Caretaker, and a familiar voice introduced themselves. "Oh, Great Caretaker, you have violated the laws of the Forest. A life was snuffed out by your careless eye, and allowed entry into Narak from the Heart of Corruption. Leave, or face my relentless punishment." The Caretaker pleaded, stating that this wasn't of malicious drive, of how he values the life of squirrels and the world's sanctity very much. -Paragraph 180
"I am deeply sorry, Tree Critter, but I cannot leave, my family will starve if I do not get food for them! I shall cut down the Heart of Corruption and cleanse myself of malice." Tree Critter shed a tear, and trapped The Caretaker in a prison of light. "I am deeply sorry as well, Caretaker." Tree Critter summoned Kara, The Eternal Spear, and prepared to banish The Caretaker to the depths of Narak. Tree Critter lowered his hand, snuffed the Heart of Corruption, and began to rise into the air. "I have more important matters to attend to. If you truly care for the Forest, you will leave it." The Caretaker left the Great Tree, never to return. -Paragraph 181
Many of Squirrelkind despised The Caretaker. "His carelessness has cost us the life of one held dear, and stained The Great Tree. If Tree Critter shall not punish them, we will." Others forgave The Caretaker for his actions. "It was a pure accident, The Caretaker is a Man noble at heart, friend of Nature and Squirrelkind, the Heart of Corruption was not his corruption." The Squirrels that despised The Caretaker planned a punishment of the highest order: the defilement of their homeland, just like he did to theirs. Whether alive or dead, The Caretaker's legacy will be tarnished for all eternity. Time will be needed to prepare, many hundreds of years will be spent preparing to tarnish The Breadlands. -Paragraph 183
The Squirrels who forgave The Caretaker heard of this plan, and would intercept their attack on The Breadlands on the day of the attack. Soon, the Squirrels who despised The Caretaker learned of this, and it would be agreed that a great Battle would be held on the grounds of The Caretaker's homeland. And by decision of Squirrelkind, it would be called "Nubelere de Hoyo", or in Humanity's tongue "The War of The Squirrels," and it would be glorious. -Paragraph 184
RECOVERED CARVINGS FROM SCP-3761-A
On ██/██/████, MTF Tau-63 encountered engravings inside of 2 separate dead trees in ████████, Kenya which were written in Swahili, and are theorized to be related to SCP-3761-A. They have been transcribed here after translation to English.
Dear Grand Leader Lor-Thormar
It happened again. More friendly squirrels get taken by evil squirrels for testing. Bad testing. I don't know much, but tests kill squirrels from what heard. More humans from the Squirrel Superiority group also came along and told us of situation. They worried. They also tell me thing I do not know: There are two groups of squirrel humans: Proto and Neo. Protos love Caretaker, and Neos hate Caretaker. Told us they were Proto, and I let them in.
They told us that they loved Caretaker just as much as us. Probably more in fact. They however told me very confusing sentence: Caretaker is already dead. No he not? Caretaker is alive, alive as ever. Which is good thing. Also told us of "Kansas". I corrected them and said "Breadlands", since that's actual name. Kansas sounds like silly name.
What was I saying? Oh yes. They are taking more and more of our kind every day. It making other squirrels morale low. Very low, can confirm. This is proposal for development of weaponry like ones humans make. Weaponry that doesn't kill, but stops. Would help in War greatly.
Neo squirrels use cruel weapons. Nothing but shadows and misery are left when they attack. Cruel bombs, cruel blades, cruel seeds. While many want to kill them, they are still our brothers, and we should never harm brothers, no matter how twisted. Thus why make stopping weaponry, not kill.
Got off topic again. Point is we need to break in their Tree and get back our stolen squirrel brothers.
Love live the Caretaker. Ankala-Koresh Daleem
-General Rommoth-Balash
War in ██ years. We are not ready. Must prepare. Learned lot from humans. Human weapons strong. Imitation done. Following are prototypes for weapons made for Squirrel-Kind.
Death to the Caretaker.
Nut-Pelter: Small metal thing with long tube on one end. Tube shoots out nuts, includes acorns, walnuts, pistachios, and cashews. Capable of entering squirrel skin and killing. Each soldier gets one.
Life-Grower: Not weapon; trained technique by Squad Number Apple. Squirrels shoot special magic seeds out of mouth, pierces skin. Tiny trees grow inside of bodies. Roots enter ground and entangle nearby squirrels. Very useful.
Bite-and-Choke-Gas: Small objects shaped like tasty acorns. Filled with deadly gas. Cracking nut causes gas to cover area. Gas causes breathing tubes esophagus breathing area to grow lumpy. Lumps actually other Gas filled acorns. Area becomes deep red and yellow mist after 10 minutes.
Human-Smarties: Tablet candies eaten by humans for fun. Eating candies causes squirrel to gain human smarts. Humans smarts causes squirrels to have human emotion, which causes less will to fight. Easily capable of hiding in food.
Ear-Ringers: Round shaped black ball. Not squirrel made; human made. When button is pushed, loud beeps heard. Big boom at black ball. Capable of killing many squirrels per black ball. Ringing in ears afterwards.
Sky-Eyes: Also not weapon; Squad Number Grass composed of Flying Squirrels. Not really Flying; more like gliding. Can throw nuts and other weapons at squirrels from sky. Super useful. Plant Redwood Tree for major Flying.
Tree-Critter-Bomb: If failing, detonate. Leave nothing but scorched earth and a tower of ash for the Caretaker.
Update: More prototypes for weapons developing. Machines almost ready. Nut-Pelters successfully kill enemy squirrel. Very good test. Other hostages not freed. Need more.
Until next time. Ankala-Koresh Enkilish
On 07/23/2013, an anomalous entity manifested within ██████████, India, which was ██ kilometers from Site-551. The entity had the facial structure of a squirrel, along with red-white striped robes. A small group of approximately 2,000 squirrels used a space-time anomaly to travel to the entity's location. Foundation forces present at Site-551 were deployed to administer amnestics to witnesses of the event. The entity began to speak to the squirrels in English once the entire population was near its vicinity.
Entity: Children, I am disappointed. When I was a boy and I heard about what war was, I would ask my grandma about it, and do you know what they said? They said that it achieves nothing but useless despair.
Entity: Yes, I was impatient in my decision to punish the Caretaker. Yes, I was a child at that point, and had only just been granted power eternal, but he has since passed away, and my children are still planning this insidious war. He has long since been forgiven for his mistake. He was a kind, happy soul who did not mean harm.
Entity: This is the last time I will come down to Earth and talk with you. I do not wish for you to carry out this war within the Breadlands, I do not wish for you to exit this world like this. You are still family. You are still brothers and sisters.
(The entity raises their arm to their chest.)
Entity: Listen, do you want to know something? I spoke to the Caretaker. On his death bed, before he met his demise, I appeared to him. We spoke about the event, and I will say: He is sorry. And I have officially accepted his apology. I hope you can understand.
(A squirrel begins to speak to the entity.)
Squirrel 1: You kidding me? You spoke to him? Trusted you, bitch!
(Another squirrel runs over to them, and puts their hands on their shoulders.)
Squirrel 2: Be calm, friend. Maybe talk?
Squirrel 1: Off me, proto fuck.
(All the squirrels begin to assault each other through physical mutilation. While this is happening, the entity sighs, and begins to slowly rise off the ground.)
Entity: The warning has been given. Your fate is now your own. Ankala-Koresh.
(The entity begins to rise from the ground to the air, watching the squirrel population attack each other. When one half of the squirrels have been killed, they begin to dig holes and use the stated space-time anomaly to transport to their original locations, all while looking at the entity.)
(After the squirrels are gone, the entity covers their face with their hands, and then begins to rub their temples as they demanifest.)
Entity Why did he have to make me the God of fucking squirrels?
(The entity demanifests.)
