SCP-3410
"It's just fucking golf!"
Special Containment Procedures
SCP-3410 is to be kept in an inanimate item storage locker equipped with motion-sensing devices. When vibration is detected, the liaison at the Unusual Incidents Unit's Foxburg office must be immediately notified of the activation event. The object is housed at Site 179 due to the Site's proximity to SCP-3410's target area of activation.
Site 179 staff must include at least one individual who is able to play a nine-hole game of golf, and who owns at least one share of stock in the Quaker State oil company. It is recommended that multiple personnel fulfilling these criteria be available. Qualifying personnel must familiarize themselves with Procedure 410-Charleston. As repeated exposure has been found to increase an individual's susceptibility to the item's influence, no individual should be a participant in Procedure 410-Charleston on more than three occasions.
Description
SCP-3410 is a hand-hammered gutta percha rubber golf ball, a type commonly used near the end of the 19th century. Its surface is marked with a semi-regular rectangular grid pattern; the initials MC&D are stamped along one seam. It shows signs of wear consistent with occasional use, but has not noticeably aged since its acquisition by the Bureau of Investigations in 1931.
Activation events occur between three months and three years after the most recent activation event. SCP-3410 will begin to vibrate, producing an audible rattle or rustle against surfaces or within containers. After approximately 24 hours, this vibration will abruptly cease, and SCP-3410 will translocate into the vicinity of the current owner (hereafter SCP-3410-A) of the Foxburg Country Club in Foxburg, PA. It will continue to reappear in this manner while active, regardless of having been damaged or destroyed.
The presence of SCP-3410 exerts a cognitohazardous effect on SCP-3410-A. They will experience a desire to seek out an owner (hereafter SCP-3410-B) of the Quaker State oil company and engage them in a game of golf at Foxburg Country Club.1 During this game, the behavior of both individuals and some elements of gameplay will be influenced by the anomaly. SCP-3410-A will experience a continuous series of misfortunes during the activation event. It is unclear whether the anomaly locally affects causality, or merely manipulates SCP-3410-A's perceptions and emotions to maximize negative outcomes.
If SCP-3410-A does not have access to a suitable SCP-3410-B or the golf course at Foxburg Country Club, they will attempt to find substitutes. The level of hostility displayed by SCP-3410-A increases markedly the more different the activation event becomes from the target conditions.2 SCP-3410-B is also subject to a minor cognitohazardous effect, which reduces their reactive empathy towards SCP-3410-A. However, neither participant suffers long-term anomalous ill effects.
Correct execution of Procedure 410-Charleston can limit the altercation between SCP-3410-A and SCP-3410-B to a heated exchange of words on the green of the ninth hole.3
The time between activation events is longer when a procedure is successful, and shorter if it fails. Successful activation events are characterized by the presence and sincerity of an apology and acceptance at the conclusion of the final argument, as described below. In procedures where a sarcastic "fake apology" was used instead,4 the next activation occurred during the worst weather conditions possible in the timeframe.
Foxburg Country Club's status as a US historical property precludes its acquisition by the Foundation at this time. Therefore, containment of SCP-3410 will require the cooperation of the Unusual Incidents Unit in Procedure 410-Charleston for the forseeable future.
Procedure 410-Charleston: This partial transcript is intended to familiarize security and medical personnel with key features of Procedure 410-Charleston. Potential participants should also review complete instructions in Document 3410-1b.
The concluding argument may or may not include an apology on the part of SCP-3410-A and/or acceptance of said apology by SCP-3410-B. Regardless, following this argument, the activation event is complete. SCP-3410 will cease to influence the minds of the participants, and may be returned to containment. The participants should nonetheless be separated promptly to avoid a non-anomalous renewal of hostilities.
Recovery: SCP-3410 has been in the custody of the US government in some capacity since 1931. It was brought to the attention of J. Edgar Hoover by the heirs of its original target, Foxburg Country Club founder Joseph Mickle Fox. Several current and former elected US officials, non-UIU members of the FBI, and descendants of the Fox family are aware of the item's existence. They are not considered a containment risk at this time.
The Foundation first learned of SCP-3410 in 2007. Then-President George W. Bush made use of a secure phone line in the Oval Office, designed to allow direct communication with the Foundation in case of emergencies.
Soon afterwards, a transfer of custody was approved by the joint review committee, as required by the US - Foundation Treaty of 1948. Under the terms of this transfer, UIU Foxburg will cooperate in any procedure the Foundation develops, provided such procedure does not conflict with US law.
Based on available documentary evidence, the dispute which led Quaker State Oil Company's founder and first president, H.J. "Bud" Crawford, to commission SCP-3410 appears to have been minor. However, after 1895, Fox and Crawford only communicated with one another about activation events. The two men cooperated in attempting to keep SCP-3410's effects a secret until Fox's failing health left him unable to play golf, shortly before his death in 1918.
The following letter was obtained from Crawford's personal effects after his death in 1953. It is the earliest written record of the anomaly.