SCP-3339

Agent Note: For the sake of proper formatting, please use the following format to describe incursions into SCP-3339-2:

Researcher: [Name of the researcher who entered SCP-3339-2]

Performance Title: [Title of the performance]

Performance Description: [Description of the performance]

Time Elapsed: [Time elapsed during performance]

Civilian Description: [Description and number of civilians in the audience]

Notes: [Any additional notes]

- Agent Gilbert

Researcher: Dr. ████

Performance Title: "Space Wars!"

Performance Description: A conflict stated to have happened on a starship. Two characters, General Nicholas and King Henry, are discussing trading disputes. This dispute ends in a firefight between the two parties, with General Nicholas as the victor. General Nicholas then boards his personal starship and flies away.

Time Elapsed: 16 minutes

Civilian Description: At least 100 children of varying ethnicities between the ages of 5 and 12.

Notes: This performance was realistic. Actual laser weapons were used, and details such as blood, the starry background and the spaceship General Nicholas flew at the end were almost indistinguishable from reality.

Researcher: Dr. ████

Performance Title: "Pillowboy"

Performance Description: A 10 year old boy named Katurian is exposed to radiation from the sun and becomes Pillowboy, made up entirely of pillows. Pillowboy travels back in time and gives candy to children who are depressed, making them happy. Eventually, Pillowboy becomes sad, and a future version of Pillowboy gives Pillowboy candy.

Time Elapsed: 15 minutes

Civilian Description: At least 100 children of varying ethnicities between the ages of 5 and 12.

Notes: Lightning effects from Pillowboy's "time traveling" were indistinguishable from reality.

Researcher: Dr. ██████

Performance Title: "John and Juliet"

Performance Description: The performance is stated to have taken place in medieval times. For the first ten minutes of the play, a boy named John confesses his love to a girl named Juliet. After John's confession, Juliet says "yes" and hugs John before the performance ends.

Time Elapsed: 11 minutes

Civilian Description: At least 75 children of varying ethnicities between the ages of 5 and 12.

Notes: The castle was designed to appear to be a medieval siege castle, though many other details were concealed from the audience.

Researcher: Researcher Calvin

Performance Title: "Frank's Day Off"

Performance Description: A 7-year old boy named "Frank" skips school. Frank spends the day playing with his various toys and engaging in hijinks. The performance ends with his mother catching him and getting grounded.

Time Elapsed: 18 minutes

Civilian Description: At least 100 children of varying ethnicities between the ages of 5 and 12.

Notes: This performance was on par with modern theatre standards, but was noticeably less realistic than previous performances.

Researcher: Dr. ██████

Performance Title: "Futureinator"

Performance Description: A cyborg from the future comes in order to kidnap Frank, a 12-year old boy in San Diego. Another cyborg, the "Futureinator" also comes from the future to thwart the other cyborg's plans.

Time Elapsed: 20 minutes

Civilian Description: At least 50 children of varying ethnicities between the ages of 5 and 12.

Notes: This performance was of noticeably lower quality than the other performances. Both "cyborgs" were simply standard humans with face paint, and Frank was obviously an adult. Most notably, the car chase scene consists of Frank and the Futureinator inside of a car while the crew carries clouds to create the illusion of movement.

Researcher: Junior Researcher ████████

Performance Title: "Finding Fish"

Performance Description: A fish named Bob loses his son, Fish, to a strong current. Bob spends the entirety of the performance searching for Fish, eventually finding him under a rock.

Time Elapsed: 15 minutes

Civilian Description: At least 20 children of varying ethnicities between the ages of 9 and 12.

Notes: All props were made up of painted cardboard, and all characters were humans wearing suits that resembled fish.

Researcher: Researcher ███

Performance Title: "The Flimsons"

Performance Description: This performance focuses on "The Flimsons," a family living in Pringfield, New York. The primary conflict of this performance is the father of the family attempting to change the channel.

Time Elapsed: 10 minutes

Civilian Description: Nine children, aged 10 years old.

Notes: Aside from the noticeable drop in prop quality, the general writing quality of this performance declined as well. In addition to this, sound equipment within SCP-3339-2 failed on multiple occasions.

Researcher: Researcher Calvin

Performance Title: "An Office"

Performance Description: A man wearing a business suit types at a computer in a cubicle for the duration of the performance.

Time Elapsed: 15 minutes

Civilian Description: None. Researcher Calvin was the only member of the audience.

Notes: The only props used in this performance were the cubicle, the computer, and the chair the man sat in. No audio equipment whatsoever was used.

Researcher: Researcher Calvin

Performance Title: N/A

Performance Description: N/A

Time Elapsed: 3 minutes

Civilian Description: None.

Notes: See Addendum 02.

Interviewed: PoI-3339-A

Interviewer: Researcher Calvin

Foreword: On ██/██/2015, no performance within SCP-3339-2 took place. Instead, an obese man wearing clown makeup (designated PoI-3339-A) came onto stage and addressed Researcher Calvin directly. The dialogue of this exchange is recorded below:

<Begin Log, ████ hours>

PoI-3339-A: Excuse me? Dude in the lab coat?

Researcher Calvin: Are you referring to me?

PoI-3339-A: Yeah. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Researcher Calvin: Not at all.

PoI-3339-A: Thanks.

PoI-3339-A sits down in a chair on the stage.

PoI-3339-A: Can you tell me where it all went wrong?

Researcher Calvin: I'm sorry, what?

PoI-3339-A: This place used to attract kids by the hundreds. Every time I performed, I could count on an entire crowd cheering on my handiwork here, appreciating the show. Now, well, you're the only one here. At first, I just thought the kids these days were out of touch, you know? Then I realized that it might be I that's out of touch.

PoI-3339-A sighs.

PoI-3339-A: I decided to take a look at some of my old performances. I have 'em all recorded, you know? Space Wars, Leg of the Tiger, all that. I'm just… amazed by them. The special effects, the narrative, just… the whole deal. Can't believe I wrote 'em. Now, I can't even write a half-decent line of dialogue to save my life. What happened to me?

PoI-3339-A remains silent for 33 seconds.

PoI-3339-A: I guess I've gotten old. I've spent too much time with the executives. All work and no play, even when you gotta play to work. Corrupted me from the inside out. Made me lose my spark.

PoI-3339-A remains silent for 12 seconds.

PoI-3339-A: Well, I guess I gotta go. Don't got nothin' left to do here.

<End Log, ████ hours>

Closing Statement: PoI-3339-A walked off stage after his speech. PoI-3339-A has not been located since this incident.

Following Incident 3339-A, many changes have been noted in the anomalous behavior of SCP-3339 and all subdesignations.

The most notable change is that, when activating SCP-3339, a message box will appear containing the following error:

Programmers belonging to the SCP Foundation have noted that it is still possible to activate scripts located in SCP-3339's web server in order to create an instance of SCP-3339-1, which can be used to access SCP-3339-2. However, SCP-3339-2 is now an empty room, with the audience section and stage removed.

Reclassification of SCP-3339 is pending approval.