SCP-3275

Excuse me, this is the wrong pizza.

Instance of SCP-3275-1 obtained by the Foundation for chemical analysis. Olives noted to emit a foul sulfurous odor. Original order was for a "vegetarian pizza".

Special Containment Procedures

Any manifestations of SCP-3275 are to be closely monitored; currently the Foundation is to allow SCP-3275 to occur so long as the phenomenon manifests exclusively under specific controlled conditions.

All instances of SCP-3275-1 that come to Foundation attention are to be confiscated for analysis and subsequently disposed of using designated anomaly-byproduct receptacles. Any instances of SCP-3275-1 ordered by assigned personnel are to be delivered to a facility owned by the Foundation (see general procedure below).

Level-2 or higher security clearance is required for experimental handling of SCP-3275-1 instances. Personnel interacting with SCP-3275-1 are required to wear a Level A hazmat suit or similar PPE while the pizza box in question is open. Personnel assigned to SCP-3275 are to make note of any SCP-3275-1 instances that deviate significantly from reasonable expectations, and report such incidents to the SCP-3275 Project Head.¹

SCP-3275-2 is currently allowed to maintain employment at █████████ Pizza.² SCP-3275-2 is not to be given any delivery orders involving unauthorized customers. Should a particularly hazardous instance of SCP-3275-1 manifest, SCP-3275-2 may be detained for questioning or additional cautionary action.

The general procedure for ordering and receiving a delivery of SCP-3275-1 occurs as follows:

A secure phone call³ from a Foundation-owned non-site building is made to the █████████ Pizza dining establishment SCP-3275-2 is employed at, requesting a pizza delivery. SCP-3275-2 is specified to be the deliverer. Any toppings noted in the order may be determined by the Foundation researcher who will perform analysis of the generated SCP-3275-1 instance.

An instance of SCP-3275-1 will be delivered to a Foundation-owned facility equipped with biological containment capabilities; security guards are to allow SCP-3275-2 entrance to the facility upon confirming identity via CCTV cameras. SCP-3275-2 will deliver the instance to a security station. Security personnel have been instructed not to make direct physical contact with the cardboard box containing the instance of SCP-3275-1.

A designated Foundation staff member will intercept SCP-3275-2 and exchange the instance of SCP-3275-1 for the standard payment for the corresponding non-anomalous pizza variant, as per the █████████ Pizza menu. SCP-3275-2 is to vacate the premises as quickly as possible without raising suspicion.

The intercepted instance of SCP-3275-1, remaining in its cardboard carrying box, is to be transferred to a chemical experimentation room; from this point, only researchers assigned to SCP-3275 may handle the instance. Said researchers will analyze and prepare documentation of the instance of SCP-3275-1, which is to be subsequently disposed of in accordance with its composition.

Description

SCP-3275 is a recurring anomalous phenomenon that affects commercially-produced pizzas delivered by individual ██████ ████████ (designated as SCP-3275-2). Pizzas affected by SCP-3275 are referred to as instances of SCP-3275-1, and have been noted to differ in the extreme from orders placed by customers; specifically requested toppings will be absent, and explicitly unwanted ones will be present.

Furthermore, instances of SCP-3275-1 might possess some sort of unpalatable addition to the pizza, including excess of toppings not ordered by the recipient, variants of standard pizza ingredients giving off unpleasant odors, and inedible objects embedded into the pizza. (Addendum 3275-A contains various experiment logs with examples of different SCP-3275-1 manifestations.)

SCP-3275-2 (██████ ████████) is a non-anomalous human male, who is 22 years of age as of ██-██-████. SCP-3275-2 stands 1.81 meters tall, and weighs 68.5 kilos; a mugshot is available upon request (contact the Project Head for such details) for Foundation employees assigned to SCP-3275. It is noted that SCP-3275-2 frequently appears sloppily-dressed or seems to be suffering from lack of sleep. SCP-3275-2 is currently employed as a pizza delivery-person for █████████ Pizza, and at present has held this position for 3 months. It is noted that every pizza SCP-3275-2 has delivered following Foundation intervention has invariably become an instance of SCP-3275-1.

Security camera footage retrieved from SCP-3275-2's workplace seems to indicate that the SCP-3275 anomaly manifests at some point following SCP-3275-2 receiving a pizza for delivery, and preceding said delivery to the customer who placed the order. SCP-3275-2 has been recorded receiving correctly-prepared pizzas from the kitchen staff, confirming delivery to the correct addresses. The retrieved store footage further indicates that SCP-3275-2 does not interfere with or sabotage any pizzas given to him. SCP-3275 has not been recorded to affect any other delivery staff of █████████ Pizza, and SCP-3275-2 insists that no other anomalous activity has occurred to him at any other point in his life.⁴ It is unknown at which point in time during the delivery process SCP-3275 actually occurs.

Presently, the consensus regarding SCP-3275's range of effect is up for debate. Recent analyses of SCP-3275-1 instances have shown a certain degree of instability in SCP-3275 manifestations, suggesting that there is reason to be wary of further unpredictable variation concerning the anomaly and its range of occurrence.⁵

Addendum 3275-A: Selected excerpts of notable incidents and experimental logs.

Show Incident and Experimental Log excerpts

Close Incident and Experimental Log excerpts

Incident Log 3275-000

Date: (██-██-████)
Ordered: Pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.
Delivered: Ham pizza with mushrooms.
Notes: This incident brought SCP-3275 to the Foundation's attention. The order was made from the home of Dr. O'Nelly (a Research Assistant assigned to Site-76), who upon receiving the delivery was subjected to SCP-3275-2's complaints of the recurring problem. O'Nelly requested that SCP-3275-2 be brought in for questioning by the Foundation, after calling █████████ Pizza to confirm SCP-3275-2's claims.

Experiment Log 3275-002

Date: (██-██-████)
Ordered: Sausage pizza with olives, mushrooms and cheddar.
Delivered: Tuna pizza with garlic, asparagus, basil and mozzarella.
Notes: SCP-3275-1 instances confirmed to not necessarily contain the same number of toppings as requested in the order.

Experiment Log 3275-004

Date: (██-██-████)
Ordered: Pizza with nothing on it, aside from the standard tomato sauce bottom layer.
Delivered: Pizza crust with eggs and meatballs spread over it. A shredded rubber glove was also present, lying in the center of the pizza.
Notes: While the tomato sauce was usually present by default, it seems that explicitly asking for the sauce caused it to be absent here. The glove, as noted by SCP-3275-2 (who was also sneezing profusely), seemed to be "just another fucking thing that would make me look bad on the worst days".

Experiment Log 3275-010

Date: (██-██-████)
Ordered: Sausage pizza with pineapples and eggplant, no $100 bills.
Delivered: Pepperoni pizza with hot sauce and seven $100 bills, all burnt, crumpled or ripped to the point of being useless. No serial number could be identified from the bills.
Notes: SCP-3275-1 instances can contain non-food toppings, which manifest as if prepared like regular, edible ingredients.

Experiment Log 3275-012

Date: (██-██-████)
Ordered: Pepperoni pizza with olives and blue cheese.
Delivered: Ham pizza with bell peppers and liquid diphenadione⁶.
Notes: This is the first time SCP-3275-1 manifested a topping unsafe for human consumption. The cooks at █████████ Pizza report that they do own 'a container of KillRat', a brand of rat poison. SCP-3275-2 noted to have appeared particularly ill upon delivery of this pizza, prompting intervention by Foundation personnel. SCP-3275-2's living conditions were noted to be hazardous due to unwashed laundry, undisposed trash, and buildup of mildew near windows.

Experiment Log 3275-013

Date: (██-██-████)
Ordered: Ham pizza with pineapple and red peppers.
Delivered: Ham pizza with pineapple and red peppers.
Notes: Prior to returning to work, SCP-3275-2 noted that he "finally got around to" cleaning his apartment and responding to utilities bills he had neglected. SCP-3275-2 was noted to have shaved his facial hair and improved his personal hygiene regimen as well.

Experiment Log 3275-019

Date: (██-██-████)
Ordered: Cheese pizza.
Delivered: Cheese pizza with excess quantity of tomato sauce.
Notes: SCP-3275-2 observed to have been regressing to previous health-hazardous behaviors, most notably neglecting personal hygiene. Provision of additional intervention was discussed and deferred for the time being.

Experiment Log 3275-025

Date: (██-██-████)
Ordered: Cheese pizza.
Delivered: Sausage pizza covered with Camponotus sp. (carpenter ants). Closer inspection revealed all ant specimens to have been infected by a radioactive variant of the insect-pathogenising fungus Ophiocordyceps unilateralis.
Notes: At time of delivery, SCP-3275-2 was noted to have a severe cough. Investigation of SCP-3275-2's apartment uncovered an unpaid electricity bill and a cabinet filled with inexpensive "instant meals" and dirty disposable plastic utensils. Foundation intervention reinstated; SCP-3275-2 given access to therapy and a regular apartment cleaning service.

Due to SCP-3275 manifestation seemingly being related to SCP-3275-2's lifestyle, provision of health and career counseling to SCP-3275-2 has been proposed.

Addendum 3275-B: Foundation personnel performed regular interviews upon initial contact with SCP-3275-2. The first of these interviews is below.

Show Interview 3275-1-██-████

Close Interview 3275-1-██-████

Interviewed: SCP-3275-2
Interviewer: Dr. Ganz
Foreword: Interview conducted on ██-██-████, date of Foundation personnel's first in-person contact with SCP-3275-2.

<Begin Log, 15:40:38>

Dr. Ganz: Alright, I know we introduced ourselves to one another right before this, but I need you to state your name for the record, please.

SCP-3275-2: Oh, uh…right, ██████.

Dr. Ganz: Last name too, please.

SCP-3275-2: Oh, shit, I didn't know I had to man, sorry. It's ████████.

Dr. Ganz: Thank you. So, you know what this interview is about, right?

SCP-3275-2: Man, me and those fucking pizzas, man. It's shitty for me too, honestly. Though I don't really get why this all is necessary, no. Like, what are you, like a cop? This feels like I'm really, like, being detained or something.

Dr. Ganz: Right now we really just need you to answer some questions. You're not currently being accused of anything.

SCP-3275-2: Alright, 'cause I swear dude, I'm not messing with the pizzas. I swear. It's like I'm being, like, sabotaged or something. I don't think I've gotten a single one right.

Dr. Ganz: Not one? Since the first day you worked there?

SCP-3275-2: Not a single fucking one. And this just happens to me, 'cause like, I asked my colleague ███, and he's had, like, no problems like this. No one else that I asked did. Is someone out to frame me for something? Again, I don't really know what this, like, place is, but you gotta find a way to fix this, man. Why does this only happen to me?

Dr. Ganz: Right, so you have no idea what causes this, correct?

SCP-3275-2: I swear, my man, I don't. This thing, like, only happens when I deliver on the job. If I, like, pass my friend a box of chocolates, the chocolates don't change, know what I mean? Because he didn't order them. Though I don't know if it would happen with chocolates at all. I've only ever done pizza delivery.

Dr. Ganz: So it's pizza delivery specifically that seems to be the problem here. Is there anything odd about this job in particular then? Anything that stands out to you in your memory that could be of relevance?

SCP-3275-2: Nothing, man. This is the most, like, basic job ever. In fact, it being so fucking low-tier is why my mom hated it.

Dr. Ganz: You're using past tense. About your mom.

SCP-3275-2: Yeah, she passed away right before I started on my first day at this job.

Dr. Ganz: I'm sorry to hear that. She hated this job, you said?

SCP-3275-2: Well, it's like…she always thought I could do better, know what I mean? That I'm 'underperforming' by getting a job like this. That I, like, should aim higher or something. Thing is, I'm an adult, you know? I can make the choices about my own life. I'm not, like, living the dream or anything, but I could be happy where I'm at. But my mom used to tell me that, like, I should always be looking for what more I can do and stuff. How to, like, keep getting better.

Dr. Ganz: Did your mom mean a lot to you?

SCP-3275-2: She did…and like, I'm really sad that she's gone, it's just…she was just so on my back all the time, you know? '██████, clean this. ██████, fix that. ██████, go run some more errands.' Like there was always something else I had to do. Always more to worry about. Couldn't catch a break ever.

Dr. Ganz: You lived with your mom then, seeing as she told you when to clean up?

SCP-3275-2: I did. Judge all you want, but like, I've just always been short on cash. That's why I have to even have this shitty job in the first place. And I can't even get that right. Finding the job was hard enough but now this? And I've still got, like, bills and stuff.

Dr. Ganz: Alright, that will be all then. Thank you.

SCP-3275-2: No, wait, I have, like, a ton of things to ask about this, man. Is it really true that you're paying my boss to not fire me?

Dr. Ganz: We can discuss further questions off-record.

<End Log, 15:43:21>

Discussion is underway regarding allowing SCP-3275-2 to transfer employment to a Foundation-owned catering company. Revision of containment procedures and allocation of specialty housing for SCP-3275-2 is pending.

Footnotes