SCP-3167

Description

SCP-3167 refers to a pataphysical entity which manifests in narratives which share a single, common universe or protagonist, such as novel series, canons of short stories, or larger mythos works.¹ SCP-3167 appears to act independently of the intentions of other characters within the narrative, apparently seeking out a single character for the sole purpose of murdering them.

The appearance of SCP-3167 varies from narrative to narrative, but its manifestation is announced by a variation of the phrase "The unusually tall figure with a horrible, white grin raised its weapon, ready for the kill" appearing. The 'weapon' specified is the most variable factor, but is consistent with the setting of the narrative— i.e. thaumaturgical items are exclusively used in fantasy stories, while lasers are rare outside of science fiction narratives. In the space of a paragraph, the targeted character is assaulted by SCP-3167, and murdered in a graphic, but narratively logical, fashion. Upon the death of the character, SCP-3167 exits the narrative, an event announced by a variation of the phrase "the deed was done; the figure had collected their latest kill, and turned a new page in their life."

Individuals who perceive narratives in which SCP-3167 manifests are affected by a persistent perceptual anomaly in which they believe that the character murdered by SCP-3167 is completely absent from works which occur at a later point chronologically— i.e. a character that dies may appear in a prequel work, but will not appear in any sequential works. While individuals affected by SCP-3167 can still perceive installments of the work which take place after the death of the character SCP-3167 has killed, they will insist that it is wildly different from the canonical narrative; however, individuals are unable to read passages verbatim from the apparently altered works. This anomaly can be counteracted with amnestic treatment within the first twenty-four hours of exposure.

SCP-3167 is only capable of affecting a single instance of the narrative it enters— i.e. it can only affect one copy of a book, but the anomaly is persistent. Currently, over 5,000 individual volumes have been affected by SCP-3167, mostly English-language works.

Catalog of Affected Narratives:

Name of Work: The Judas Strain
Series: Sigma Force Book 4
Genre: Techno-thriller
Victim: Monk Kokkalis

SCP-3167 Manifestation: SCP-3167 appears in the epilogue, in which Monk, believed to be dead by other members of Sigma Force following the events of the novel, broadcasts an SOS. The SOS is interrupted by Monk describing a figure "Unusually tall, with a big, white grin, and a vial of the Judas Strain², ready for the kill." Sigma operatives only hear Monk's death; it is unclear if SCP-3167 exited the narrative following this.

Effects: Monk does not re-appear in any subsequent Sigma Force novels, which has startling effects on the status quo of the Sigma Force universe; several other members die in the next two novels, and by the end of Bloodline, Sigma Force is permanently disbanded by President James Gant. Sigma Force novels after this point are post-apocalyptic in genre, according to affected readers, depicting the schemes of the antagonists routinely succeeding without the intervention of the titular team.

Name of Work: The Fellowship of the Ring
Series: The Lord of the Rings
Genre: High Fantasy
Victim: Gandalf the Grey

SCP-3167 Manifestation: At the bridge of Khazad-Dum, SCP-3167 replaces the Balrog, manifesting as "an unusually tall figure with a white, flame-wreathed grin", with a flaming whip in place of its weapon. Gandalf attempts to hold off SCP-3167 in a manner identical to the manner in which he defeated the Balrog in The Fellowship of the Ring, but is sliced in half by the whip. Gandalf's final words are whispered to Samwise: "He has the eyes of Luthien".

Effects: Boromir does not die at the end of Fellowship, and instead re-appears alongside his brother Faramir in The Two Towers, along with Frodo and Samwise. The Battle of Helm's Deep is lost, and Saruman maintains his hold over Théoden. Merry and Pippin die during the assault on Isengard, with the latter sacrificing himself to kill Saruman. Frodo himself dies at the encounter with Shelob, leaving Samwise to take the ring to Mount Doom. The quest ultimately succeeds, but by the end of The Return of the King, Samwise, Aragorn and Legolas are the only living members of the Fellowship. Samwise is invited to go into the Grey Havens, but declines.

Name of Work: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Series: Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy/Mystery
Victim: Ron Weasley

SCP-3167 Manifestation: SCP-3167 suddenly manifests in the middle of the Goblet of Fire ceremony, and proceeds to kill Ron with the Avada Kedavera, the killing curse, before apparating away. Ron's death is not immediate; he manages to drag his way to Harry, and whispers, "He said he had your birthday" before dying.

Effects: The rest of the novel is spent in a state of chaos, with the Triwizard Tournament being called off, the shell-shocked Weasley family and Harry mourning Ron. Barty Crouch eventually kidnaps Harry in order to revive Lord Voldemort. In the process, Harry himself is killed, but finds he cannot die, due to having a piece of Voldemort's soul exist within him, and vice-versa. Voldemort and Harry resolve to kill one another without dying themselves.

The final three novels in the Harry Potter series are described as 'confused, stream-of-consciousness messes' by most readers affected by SCP-3167.

Name of Work: Northern Lights³
Series: His Dark Materials
Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
Victim: Unnamed "gobbler"

SCP-3167 Manifestation: SCP-3167 manifests during the sequence in which the protagonist, Lyra Belacqua, is undergoing an 'intercision', in which her dæmon⁴ Pantalaimon will be separated from her, and kills the "gobbler" who is holding Pantaliamon using his own dæmon, which takes the form of a large boa constrictor. In non-anomalous versions of Northern Lights, the sequence is notably written in a manner which heavily suggests that handling one's dæmon without their consent is tantamount to rape.

Effects: No overall effect on the narrative; Miss Coulter enters the room, confused as to why the man holding Pantalaimon has died. The rest of the sequence at Bolvangar is uninterrupted, save for a portion where a guard enters the room where Miss Coulter and Lyra are talking in order to inform her that SCP-3167 has escaped, and that a note saying 'I regret doing that' was found at the entrance to the intercision room.

Name of Work: Sword Art Online: Aincrad
Series: Sword Art Online
Genre: Japanese Science Fiction Light Novel
Victim: Unclear.

SCP-3167 Manifestation: SCP-3167 appears during the climactic duel between Kazuto "Kirito" Kirigaya and Kayaba Akihiko's Heathcliff avatar in Sword Art Online. It manifests as:

"The unusually tall player with a horrible, white grin raised its massive, pulsing, flashing claymore, ready for the kill. It struck the ground of Floor 75, and Sword Art Online shut down, ejecting everyone within."

Effects: The second book of the Sword Art Online Light Novel series was unaffected, as its stories took place prior to SCP-3167's manifestation. However, all following books take place exclusively in the real world, exploring the relationship between Kazuto and Asuna Yuki; the attack by SCP-3167 apparently destroyed the internet's capability to support a virtual reality video game on the same scale as Sword Art Online.

Name of Work: The Final Problem
Series: The Sherlock Holmes Canon
Genre: Mystery
Victim: Sherlock Holmes

SCP-3167 Manifestation: Dr. Watson arrives at Reichenbach Falls to see SCP-3167 struggling with Holmes. SCP-3167 exclaimed "He wants you to die!" before repeatedly stabbing Holmes and throwing him down the cliff, before nodding at Watson and vanishing.

Effects: While all Holmes stories written before The Final Problem (as well as Hound of the Baskervilles, which takes place before The Final Problem) are unaffected, all future Sherlock Holmes stories are impercievable by individuals who read instances of The Final Problem altered by SCP-3167, including adaptations of the canon.

At this point, agent of Pataphysical Task Force Alpha-4 managed to intercept SCP-3167 as it attempted to exit the narrative, temporarily trapping it in narrative white space, where it was interrogated by Agent Caitlyn Next. The transcript of the interview follows:

Caitlyn walked around the conceptually empty space and rolled her shoulders. "We've been chasing after you for yonks, you know that?"

The unusually tall figure

"Oh, no. Don't try to pull that shit on me. I'm going to take control of the narrative every time you try to kill me— my metaphorical metafictional dick is bigger than yours. You might as well talk."

The unusu

"What did I just say?"

…Bob frowned at Agent Next, his great white grin turning into a frown. "I'm not hurting anyone. Nobody real."

"You've destroyed at least ninety narrative universes in the past four years. And look at you! You used 'frown' twice in the same descriptor. And yes, I can see that, and I know you can too."

"I'm just carrying out the author's wishes. Rowling wanted Weasley to die. Doyle hated Holmes at the end. Kawahara wishes he had axed SAO a while ago."

"…what about The Czar's Rain?"

Bob tilted her head. "What?"

"Wait, you're a girl?"

"I'm fictonal. I could be Cthulhu if I wanted to. But nobody wants to be Cthulhu."

"The Czar's Rain. Up and coming fantasy series. You entered the first book and killed off the protagonist, sent the kingdom spiraling into chaos, and started off a war between every color of the divine spectrum."

"I've not done that, but it seems like a good idea."

"I've got a record of you doing it right he— oh. Oh shit. He's in the document. He is in this document. The SCP document you are reading right now. Close it. Close it!"

The unusually tall figure with a horrible, white grin raised its backspace key, ready for the kill.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Agent Next pleaded. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Agent Next pleaded.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Agent Next

"GET ME OUT

"GET

"

The deed was done; the figure had collected their latest kill, and turned a new page in their life.

One of the benefits of being fictional: you can be rewritten back to life. I'm going to have to hang out in white text for a while. I know this is annoying to read, I'm sorry. But if it means I get to keep my skin, I'll take it. —C. Next.