A Hack Job
Special Containment Procedures
SCP-285 is to be kept in a Level-III humanoid containment chamber on Site-43's B-Wing. SCP-285 is to be given basic amenities. Following SCP-285's recent cooperation with the Foundation, it is allowed exactly two hours of free roaming Site-43's botanical gardens with supervision by at least one guard if it so chooses.
Personnel are not to discuss SCP-285's past with PoI-6938 without approval of Site-43's Director. If this occurs, authorized technical staff are to manually remove the information from SCP-285-B via use of SCP-285-A.
SCP-285-B instances are not to be edited without the permission of the Administrator of Site-43's Technical staff. SCP-285 is to never be given its full abilities back under any circumstances.
SCP-285 is an anomalous humanoid entity with no defined shape or internal structure, the exception being SCP-285-A, which consistently manifests itself on the object's back. SCP-285's body changes sporadically, with no pattern among the alterations; despite the trauma SCP-285 incurs as a result of this bodily mutation, it will not at any point display signs of homeostatic distress. Subject claims it cannot control these changes. These changes include, but are not limited to:
- Loss and growth of new limbs.
- Variable size and shape of body parts.
- Loss and growth of height and mass
SCP-285-A appears to be an Ethernet1 port, which allows access to SCP-285's internal database. When accessed by a computer capable of wired connections between networks, various files are capable of being accessed. These files (SCP-285-B) contain various text files, audio files, cognitohazards, and videos. ~90% of all files have been corrupted. The cause of this corruption is currently unknown. Additionally, SCP-285 is only capable of accessing files that were formed within its own database.
Investigations into SCP-285-B and its contents reveal that editing of SCP-285-B could cause external changes on SCP-285's body and psychological state. To what extent this is possible without causing permanent damage to SCP-285 is currently unknown. It is believed that PoI-6938 used this ability to evade GoI-102 ("Unusual Incidents Unit") through consistent use of editing SCP-285's facial structure and body type, along with editing in Thaumatological based offense capabilities to defend against GoI-102 agents.
Recovery: SCP-285 was recovered following an attempted arrest involving itself and an unknown individual (currently believed to be SCP-285's creator) in Las Vegas, Nevada. SCP-285 and the unknown individual (PoI-6938) were initially pulled over for speeding, before the officer discovered that PoI-6938 had attacked a federal building in [REDACTED], California. This federal building was later revealed to have been under the direct control of GoI-102, and was used as a prison for anomalous humanoids. The attack by PoI-6938 and SCP-285 ended in the deaths of 34 GoI-102 personnel and the release of ~70% of the prison population.
The officer attempted to arrest SCP-285 and PoI-6938, but was attacked by SCP-285. PoI-6938 then escaped, leaving SCP-285 with the officer. SCP-285 was then arrested and put into GoI-102 custody, before eventually being given over to the Foundation following an anomalous Trade Of Information between GoI-102 and the Foundation. Both local law enforcement and Federal Agents were unable to locate PoI-6938. Anomalous pathways located in Nevada are currently being investigated with joint Foundation-UIU task forces.
Interviewer: Dr. Henderson
Dr. Henderson: What is your purpose?
SCP-285: I don't know.
Dr. Henderson: How do you not know?
SCP-285: I just don't know. I have an idea of why I was created, but I'm not too sure.
Dr. Henderson: Well, tell me why you think you were created.
SCP-285: Well, to entertain kids. Originally, I think. Although, my purpose was probably [pause] altered, for lack of a better word.
Dr. Henderson: How do you think you were altered?
SCP-285: It's hard to explain. I remember some things perfectly, but others I can't even think of. I think he was mad, and he wanted to hurt someone. And he used me to help hurt them. I hope he didn't succeed.
Dr. Henderson: Why do you not want him to succeed?
SCP-285: I don't want to hurt anyone.
Dr. Henderson: Then why did you attack that officer?
SCP-285: I just did as I was told. But I think that's the only time he ever made me hurt someone. At least, I think he did.
Dr. Henderson: Why do you think your creator put these various files onto you?
SCP-285: Insurance, I guess.
Dr. Henderson: Explain.
SCP-285: You see, I remember my, uh, 'database', for lack of a better word, being biological in nature. My brain [taps forehead], contains all the information in my 'database', even if I can't access anything he put on me. Or anything he didn't want me to see.
Dr. Henderson: So, if your brain were to be damaged or if you were to die, all the files within your database would disappear?
SCP-285: Not disappear as much as just become corrupted. But, yes, that's the idea. He wanted to make sure that if I was to get captured by the 'you-eye-you' or whatever it was called, that they wouldn't have been able to read my files. He really hated those guys. Maybe that's what made him mad in the first place. I remember whenever I brought it up he'd get angry and yell at me a lot. I cried a little, but not a lot. He hates when I cry. It's not my fault that he created me to cry.
Dr. Henderson: Did he bring anything up that maybe would have explained why he was so angry?
SCP-285: No, but the way he sounded it was like the end of the world to him. That's why he created me, I think. Why he altered me. He wanted to use me as something, as a, uh, weapon, I guess? Whatever it was, he wanted to hurt the 'you-eye-you'. He used to go on and on about how they were evil and deserved to be destroyed because they took everything from him and how they all need to die. It was scary.
Dr. Henderson: Well, the UIU is not evil; I can say that with confidence.
SCP-285: How though? He told me they kidnap and murder innocent people who've done nothing but exist. Told me how they made being alive hell for him and his friends and family. I've never had a family, but that must hurt, right?
Dr. Henderson: Whatever your creator told you, it was inaccurate to reality.
SCP-285: If you say so, doctor. I trust you more than him, anyways.
Dr. Henderson: Why do you think your creator left you behind?
SCP-285: He was done with me.
Dr. Henderson: How was he done with you?
SCP-285: He had done what he had wanted to do, whatever it was. I guess I was just one more loose end.
Dr. Henderson: If you truly were a 'loose end', as you described, why did he not kill you himself?
SCP-285: I think he was, and after uploading all the files into my 'database', he was gonna do that. But he got interrupted. And he panicked, and he just hoped that the cop would just finish me off. Glad he didn't do that, you know? I like living. Better than whatever I was before.
Dr. Henderson: Why do you think he wanted to get rid of all the files in your database?
SCP-285: Something was there, something about some other people. He did something to them. Stole something real important to them. I think he was a part of them at one point, but left. Maybe I was a part of them too, I don't know, but I know that whatever group it was, he didn't want them coming after him. Or finding me.
Dr. Henderson: Do you remember the name of this group?
SCP-285: I don't know man. I remember him talking about some 'fucking stoners', but that's pretty much it.
The following collection of documents are filed in chronological order based off of documents from SCP-285's internal database and GoI-102 related documents. The purpose of this collection is to provide a possible time frame regarding SCP-285's creation and PoI-6938's overall motive and goal.
The following document was given to the Foundation by GoI-102 during the initial trade between GoI-102 and the Foundation.
Holy Heck! You've just found yourself your very own Mr. Hax by Gamers Against Weed! Always use Antimalware, kids. Who is this Fourchan?
Collect them all and become Mr. Gamer!
01. Mr. Literal Serial Killer
02. Mr. Normie
03. Mr. Bernie Sanders
04. Mr. Get Anything For Free In Any Shop
20. Mr. Sex Number
21. Mr. Heavenly Virtues
22. Mr. Deadly Sins
23. Mr. Original Character
24. Mr. D.A.R.E.
25. Mr. Gentrification
26. Mr. Mad About Video Games
27. Mr. Meme
28. Mr. Ominous (discontinued)
29. Mr. Destiny
30. Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail
31. Ms. Zapatista
32. Mr. Hax ✔
33. Mr. Just Has The Tattoo
34. Mr. Top Text and Mr. Bottom Text
35. Mr. Finale
36. Mr. Humble Waterfilter Merchant
The following document was discovered inside of a sealed envelope addressed to Site-43 staff.
I know this type of thing isn't our usual style, but we as a group decided that this situation couldn't be considered 'normal' by any stretch of the imagination.
We know you have Hax, and we know what happened to him. Including what happened with Ken and Jordan, and what they planned on doing to him. How we know this is not important, but what is important is what we learned from it. And we just want to say one thing to everyone involved:
We're sorry we trusted a monster who we thought was our friend. We're sorry that we couldn't stop him in time. We're sorry that we couldn't prevent what you went through, Hax. I, and the rest of the group, want to say that we never wanted this to end this way. For Hax, for you Janitors, or for the Ravens, who didn't deserve what happened to them.
We just wanted to bring happiness to children with your powers.
We just wanted to mock you and the Ravens.
We didn't mean for this. We never intended for things to end like this.
We're so so sorry.
Signed, Gamers Against Weed
P.S. Don't worry about Ken or Jordan. We've dealt with them.