Fook: Tricia and Arthur Prefect? We would like to speak with you regarding the events that just occurred.
Tricia: Hold on, are you the police? Because if you are, then I want my lawyer.
[IRRELEVANT DATA EXPUNGED]
Tricia: My name is Tricia Jeltz. I'm an orthodontist, and this is my husband slash assistant, Arthur Prefect. We run Prefect Perfect Dentistry, a dentistry clinic in the Bronx. We're here - well, were here - to revive Adam Yauch.
Fook: How is that related to the events that just transpired?
Tricia: Well, it's exactly like I said. We tried to revive Adam Yauch from the dead using… I suppose… musical necromancy?
Fook: Again, please explain. We have plenty of time.
Tricia: See, we're big fans of the Beastie Boys. Own all the albums, collector's edition, gold-plated vinyl, digitally remastered edition, you name it, we got it. Been to almost every one of their concerts too. We were incredibly excited for their newest - um, not anymore, but upcoming album Hot Sauce Committee back in 2009. But then MCA got throat cancer… and died. It's not right - they had so much more music to give!
Arthur: At the time, I'd started reading Lovecraft and Stephen King and getting into, um, 'dark arts' and the like. I kept reading these stories about reviving the dead, you know, like Pet Sematary or, or… um, yeah, like that. So I got to thinking… what if we could revive him? Bring him back from the dead? I started Googling around, and wouldn't you know it, I found tons of guides on raising the dead. Most of them were useless… but after a few months, I found one that worked! Sort of.
Fook: Could you please explain your plan to revive Mr. Yauch?
Arthur: I'm really sorry; I don't know the steps off the top of my head. I printed something like ten pages of instructions from online. But the gist of it was we were going to attract his soul to the body with his music and then trap it.
Fook: Where did you locate these instructions?
Arthur: Honestly, I don't really remember. I had the pages and I think they had the website name on them - but the pages got sucked into the… uh, they got sucked into the portal. I mean, the instructions worked - or I guess they would have worked, if I hadn't - if I hadn't screwed up with the music.
Fook: Please explain how you… 'screwed up.'
Arthur: I accidentally played the Beach Boys instead of Beastie Boys. It was an honest mistake!
Tricia: Right after Arthur fucked up the music, everything went wrong. Some kind of portal opened up over MCA's head and then these… green ghosts popped out! They were oozing everywhere, melting everything into this awful green acid. And they kept on wailing. Everyone and everything, even the birds and the possums were squealing in this awful voice! It was terrifying!
Fook: The entities currently appear to be contained within the circle. How did you accomplish this? Do you know anything about the entities themselves?
Arthur: I'm not really sure. All I know is that I dropped my, um, iPod, and my Kanye West playlist started playing over the speakers, and then the ghosts and the acid started pulling back into the portal. I don't know what they are, sorry, the instructions never mentioned anything about ghosts, that much I know! I mean, I guess they don't like Kanye West, but that's it!
Fook: Why were you packing up your equipment?
Arthur: Well, uh… I mean, um. I guess - I mean - um, well, we… were going to leave?
Fook: What were you planning to do about the portal, MCA, and the entities?
Tricia: Um, we kind of figured that the authorities would be able to take care of it, right? I mean, you're here now, and you look ready to take care of it.
Fook: Do you know where the portal leads?
Tricia" 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Recovery Log
SCP-2570 was first recovered on 04/04/18 in Brooklyn, New York when the Foundation intercepted reports of pools of acid and incorporeal entities stemming from Green-Wood Cemetery, specifically from a "purple, swirling portal in the cemetery". Local Task Force Gimel-9 ("The Ungrateful Dead") moved to contain the anomaly. At the scene, they encountered a married couple, Tricia and Arthur Prefect, who had already established basic containment of SCP-2570 using a rudimentary version of the protocols outlined above and were in the process of packing up their equipment.
Foreword: This interview was conducted on-site by the leader of LTF Gimel-9, Douglas Fook. Mr. and Mrs. Prefect provided all insights on containing SCP-2570. Following the interview, the Prefects' equipment was confiscated, and they were given Class-A amnestics and released. Emotional responses such as crying, hiccuping, and stuttering have been edited out to enhance comprehension.
Fook: Tricia and Arthur Prefect? We would like to speak with you regarding the events that just occurred.
Tricia: Hold on, are you the police? Because if you are, then I want my lawyer.
[IRRELEVANT DATA EXPUNGED]
Tricia: My name is Tricia Jeltz. I'm an orthodontist, and this is my husband slash assistant, Arthur Prefect. We run Prefect Perfect Dentistry, a dentistry clinic in the Bronx. We're here - well, were here - to revive Adam Yauch.
Fook: How is that related to the events that just transpired?
Tricia: Well, it's exactly like I said. We tried to revive Adam Yauch from the dead using… I suppose… musical necromancy?
Fook: Again, please explain. We have plenty of time.
Tricia: See, we're big fans of the Beastie Boys. Own all the albums, collector's edition, gold-plated vinyl, digitally remastered edition, you name it, we got it. Been to almost every one of their concerts too. We were incredibly excited for their newest - um, not anymore, but upcoming album Hot Sauce Committee back in 2009. But then MCA got throat cancer… and died. It's not right - they had so much more music to give!
Arthur: At the time, I'd started reading Lovecraft and Stephen King and getting into, um, 'dark arts' and the like. I kept reading these stories about reviving the dead, you know, like Pet Sematary or, or… um, yeah, like that. So I got to thinking… what if we could revive him? Bring him back from the dead? I started Googling around, and wouldn't you know it, I found tons of guides on raising the dead. Most of them were useless… but after a few months, I found one that worked! Sort of.
Fook: Could you please explain your plan to revive Mr. Yauch?
Arthur: I'm really sorry; I don't know the steps off the top of my head. I printed something like ten pages of instructions from online. But the gist of it was we were going to attract his soul to the body with his music and then trap it.
Fook: Where did you locate these instructions?
Arthur: Honestly, I don't really remember. I had the pages and I think they had the website name on them - but the pages got sucked into the… uh, they got sucked into the portal. I mean, the instructions worked - or I guess they would have worked, if I hadn't - if I hadn't screwed up with the music.
Fook: Please explain how you… 'screwed up.'
Arthur: I accidentally played the Beach Boys instead of Beastie Boys. It was an honest mistake!
Tricia: Right after Arthur fucked up the music, everything went wrong. Some kind of portal opened up over MCA's head and then these… green ghosts popped out! They were oozing everywhere, melting everything into this awful green acid. And they kept on wailing. Everyone and everything, even the birds and the possums were squealing in this awful voice! It was terrifying!
Fook: The entities currently appear to be contained within the circle. How did you accomplish this? Do you know anything about the entities themselves?
Arthur: I'm not really sure. All I know is that I dropped my, um, iPod, and my Kanye West playlist started playing over the speakers, and then the ghosts and the acid started pulling back into the portal. I don't know what they are, sorry, the instructions never mentioned anything about ghosts, that much I know! I mean, I guess they don't like Kanye West, but that's it!
Fook: Why were you packing up your equipment?
Arthur: Well, uh… I mean, um. I guess - I mean - um, well, we… were going to leave?
Fook: What were you planning to do about the portal, MCA, and the entities?
Tricia: Um, we kind of figured that the authorities would be able to take care of it, right? I mean, you're here now, and you look ready to take care of it.
Fook: Do you know where the portal leads?
Tricia I don't know. It's definitely not heaven, but MCA didn't belong to hell.
