SCP-2337
"Dr. Spanko"
SCP-2337
Special Containment Procedures
SCP-2337 is to be kept in a standard avian habitat cell with soundproofing. Personnel are required to wear level 3B 5A 7A 26M ear protection while handling SCP-2337. Transportation for SCP-2337 is to be carried out using a portable soundproof crate.
Though SCP-2337 has no need of nutrition, gummy worms1 are to be provided upon request, and not restricted as a reward for good behavior. Due to SCP-2337's poor grasp of cause and effect, punishments and rewards will inevitably result in frustration on part of involved personnel.
As of 12/5/14, all staff are advised to not attempt to emulate SCP-2337's speech patterns in its presence, and are assured that SCP-2337 understands some degree of human English.
Description
SCP-2337 is a male corn crake2. It is sapient, sentient, and capable of speech. All of its vocalizations are extremely loud, with a minimum observed volume of 90 dB and a maximum of [REDACTED]. Though this can and has caused damage to personnel's hearing, SCP-2337 is oblivious of its ability and is generally friendly with Foundation personnel.
SCP-2337's vocalizations take the form of a language tangentially related to English. It often appears to be word salad, but, upon closer inspection, can have meaning in English through a series of vague innuendos, metaphors, rhyme, and arbitrary insertions of the word "cack." As such, SCP-2337 will answer to the name "Dr. Spanko."
Initial reports of SCP-2337 came from unusual noises from a field near ████████, Sussex, UK, which led to its capture in the same area. Upon containment, SCP-2337 appeared to take hostile action against Foundation personnel, emitting blasts of noise that ruptured the eardrums of 3 agents. Upon later examination, it was revealed that SCP-2337 was attempting to make friendly conversation.