SCP-3909
Wu Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing ta Fuck To
Object Class: Esoteric
Connected to: SCP-1853
Special Containment Procedures
As SCP-3909-A are exceptionally difficult to identify prior to manifestation of SCP-3909-B, efforts are to focus on identification of SCP-3909-A instances after SCP-3909-B's first appearance through traces on social and traditional media. If SCP-3909-A has not yet participated in a competition, they are to be dosed with SCP-1853. The subject's areas of skill and expertise are to be assessed, and any assistance deemed necessary for developing these skills should be provided, before SCP-3909-A is allowed to participate in a competition.
Any individual exposed to SCP-3909 should be amnesticized upon the conclusion of the phenomenon, and SCP-3909-A should be provided with medical treatment to remove SCP-1853 from their system.
Description
SCP-3909 is a phenomenon that affects individuals who were conceived while their parents were listening to "Bring da Ruckus" by The Wu-Tang Clan. Specifically, both biological parents must consciously be aware of the music and listen to the entire track; insemination may occur at any point during the song. Individuals subject to SCP-3909 are designated SCP-3909-A.
Exactly 7500 days after SCP-3909-A's birth, an instance of SCP-3909-B will manifest in front of them with a brief flash of red light. SCP-3909-B instances are apparently extraterrestrial entities of variable species, equipped with technology that permits their survival on Earth's surface. Each will produce the following message, either through a vocal organ or recording, in the subject's native language:
Are you prepared for the challenge?
If the subject gives a non-affirmative answer, SCP-3909-B will disappear with a flash of red light and repeat this process 24 hours later. If the subject answers in the affirmative, or has given a non-affirmative answer on five previous occasions, SCP-3909-B will produce the following message:
I, Jou-Tzee,1 hereby initiate this glorious duel for the honor of the Empire of the Rusted Throne. Champion Ruckus, destiny has brought you here today for the purpose of defending the honor of the Sundered Collective. This is the moment you have trained your whole life for. Do not falter.
Following this, SCP-3909-A and -B will both disappear with flashes of red light. SCP-3909-A will return alone in the same fashion anywhere from five minutes to two days later. According to testimony from several instances, SCP-3909-A and -B are instantaneously transported to an arena in an unidentified, likely extraterrestrial location. An estimated 200,000 extraterrestrial entities are present in stadium-like seating surrounding the arena, though at a distance that prevents subjects from making out identifiable features.
The arena contains materials necessary for a one-on-one competition of variable nature; in each case, the format is one in which SCP-3909-A is skilled. After a brief ceremony in an unidentified language,2 rules for the competition will be announced both in that same language and SCP-3909-A's native language. SCP-3909-A and -B will then engage in the chosen competition. In each case, SCP-3909-B has demonstrated a great deal of skill in the competition of choice; SCP-3909-A has only won on two occasions. SCP-3909-A will reappear at their prior location at the conclusion of the competition.
Addendum 3909-1: Partial catalog of SCP-3909 manifestations, compiled from SCP-3909-A testimony. See Appendix D for complete reports.
Instance: SCP-3909-A-04, 2024-06-01
Competition: Arson
Description: Contestants were provided with a large jug of flammable liquid, as well as lighters similar to those produced on Earth, and instructed to burn down identical empty one-story buildings. The contestant whose building collapsed first would considered the winner.
Result: SCP-3909-A lost, due to SCP-3909-B's ability to use a propeller-like appendage to work the flammable liquid into a vapor which ignited readily and explosively. SCP-3909-B was killed in the conflagration, to the apparent delight of the crowd.
Instance: SCP-3909-A-07, 2025-03-06
Competition: Rap battle
Description: Reaction of the crowd was used as a metric to judge the winner. SCP-3909-A described the backing beats as "hypnotic", though admits that his perception was distorted by coincidental use of hallucinogenic drugs.
Result: SCP-3909-A won by a narrow margin. Subject claims that his ability to rap is enhanced by drug use, though testimony from friends and family suggests otherwise.
Instance: SCP-3909-A-09, 2025-06-19
Competition: Panic attack
Description: The first competitor to suffer a panic attack, as determined by a judge, would be considered the winner.
Result: As the subject was already experiencing a panic attack at the commencement of the competition, a judge disqualified SCP-3909-A and awarded SCP-3909-B the win.
Instance: SCP-3909-A-10, 2026-01-02
Competition: Elvis impersonation
Description: Contestants were judged on their ability to mimic Elvis Presley's mannerisms, dancing, and singing. Appropriate costumes and hairstyling were provided to both contestants, but appearance was de-emphasized as a metric.
Result: SCP-3909-A won, though she personally considered SCP-3909-B's performance to be superior, and speculated that the judges were biased in her favor due to her opponent oozing a foul-smelling sludge from several orifices.
Instance: SCP-3909-A-12, 2026-08-15
Competition: Dice rolling
Description: Contestants would take turns rolling sets of five icosahedral (20-sided) dice, with the contestant receiving a higher total score winning the round. The first to win three rounds won the contest.
Result: SCP-3909-A lost in three rounds, in each case narrowly. Further testing has shown that SCP-3909-A-12 can anomalously manipulate probability, able to beat non-anomalous humans in similar contests 98% of the time.
Instance: SCP-3909-A-15, 2027-11-30
Competition: Quote-making
Description: Contestants were given fifteen minutes each to devise a 1-2 sentence statement on a randomly chosen topic ("conquest"); a panel of judges then evaluated each quote on the basis of how inspirational, meaningful, and quotable they were.
Result: SCP-3909-A lost, receiving minimum scores in each category. Subject attributed this to the fact that his statement was critical of conquest, whereas SCP-3909-B's quote was supportive of conquest.
Addendum: Anomalous Phenomenon 71255-Indigo-B has been linked to SCP-3909. Since the phenomenon was discovered in 2028 with the deployment of the █████████████ Array, stars in a region of near-Earth space 200-500 light years away have disappeared on an irregular basis, with no apparent cause. Recent analysis has shown that, accounting for the 2-5 year delay associated with █████████████ viewing, these disappearances have corresponded with the conclusions of competitions between SCP-3909-A and -B; consequently, this phenomenon has been re-designated SCP-3909-C.
The victor of the competition and degree of victory both affect the magnitude of SCP-3909-C. On the two occasions in which SCP-3909-A won the competition, no stars were observed to disappear. In each other case, between 1,480 and 87,513 stars disappeared, with smaller disappearances corresponding to better performances by SCP-3909-A.
While it is unclear at this time whether SCP-3909-C poses a direct threat to Earth's solar system, per recommendation of Project Heimdall SCP-3909 has been preemptively upgraded to Keter-class, and containment has been re-oriented to maximize the performance of SCP-3909-A. Since enactment of these containment procedures, star disappearance associated with SCP-3909-C has decreased by 69% over historical averages.