SCP-3872

Prepared by the Department of External Affairs

Subject: Recovery of SCP-3872

Involved Agents: Sam Denton Level 3 Agent, Jim McDowell Level 2 Agent

Report: SCP-3872 was recovered on April 17, 2013, from ASCI Site-22 in [REDACTED], Oklahoma. ASCI Site-22 was not mentioned in any of the transition paper work during [REDACTED] which lead to the loss of Site-22's location from records.

SCP Field Agents Denton and McDowell discovered Site-22 on a routine investigation in to a potential anomaly from April 10 - April 17, 2013, which lead Agents Denton and McDowell to the ruins of Site-22. Below is a transcript of the body camera feed of recovery. Irrelevant sections have been removed.

Agents Denton and McDowell's body cams both show them walking by various containment cells, for biological specimens.

Denton: I'm still shocked how many things slipped through the cracks during the transition.

Agent Denton body cam shows the dessicated corpse of several [REDACTED] specimens.

McDowell: Seriously? It's not like the government ever kept amazing records, before the Foundation got involved.

Denton: Still. There were a lot of biologicals here. I can't believe how many potential skips were lost here, from a stupid clerical error.

McDowell: Eh. I'm not that bothered by it. Less to worry about breaking containment.

Both agents turn a corner, leading to another set of containment cells. SCP-3872 is sitting on a stool in the furthest containment cell.

SCP-3872: Well hello there. I think the last guard forgot his shift.

McDowell: Holy shit, there's something alive.

SCP-3872: Young man, that kind of language is severely inappropriate.

SCP-3872 stands.

SCP-3872: Have you been imbibing the Devil's Blood? That most perfidious of substances, the dreaded molasses, or heaven preserve its lusty spawn rum?

Denton: (Quietly) Is it just me, or does that guy look a lot like William Henry Seward?

McDowell: Who?

Denton: Lincoln's Secretary of state.

McDowell: I have no idea. How do you even know who that is?

Denton: Crash course US History. Gotta love John Green.

Agent Denton turns towards SCP-3872

Denton: Sir, we're here to help you. Let's get you somewhere safe, yeah?

Agents McDowell and Denton brought SCP-3872 in to Foundation custody on April 20, 2013.

END LOG

SCP-3872 was sedated, and brought in to containment.

Prepared by the Medical Department

Reporting Doctor: Dr. Jamesson

Subject: SCP-3872

Evaluation: The following is a transcription of several logs I made of interaction with SCP-3872. At this time, there's no indication that SCP-3872 is a danger to itself, or to the Foundation. Regular counselling, and conversation is suggested. - Dr. Jamesson

Begin Transcription

Patient Notes - Dr. Jamesson

Subject: SCP-3872

SCP-3872, upon recovery, showed signs of extreme isolation, beyond what was detailed in the original notes by the ASCI. From all indications his mental state was already fragile due to the circumstances of its anomalous creation. The additional pressures of spending so much time alone have worsened this condition.
[…]
Initially, SCP-3872 was extremely reluctant to talk about anything outside of the "evils" of molasses. SCP-3872's particular obsession appears centered on the distillation of rum, and the detrimental affects which SCP-3872 perceives rum has on society.
[…]
On March 19, 2015, upon entering SCP-3872's containment chamber, SCP-3872 engaged me in conversation regarding my pen. I had brought in my fountain pen from my office, instead of my usual ballpoints for taking notes, and SCP-3872 remarked upon this. The conversation turned more personal after a while talking about its favorite inks. I believe I've made a breakthrough.
[…]
I got approval to provide SCP-3872 with a couple of vintage-styled fountain pens, with some historically significant inks (█ ██████ 1607 brand inks). After discussing fountain pens for a while, SCP-3872 began recounting its isolation in ASCI Site-22. The conversation still occasionally turns towards molasses and rum; however, SCP-3872 is significantly more cooperative. I'm hopeful for SCP-3872's future, and what we can learn from it.

End Transcription

Prepared by the Department of Science - Alchemy Division

Subject: Biological Immortality of SCP-3872

Consulted Resources: R. Diaghilev, Alc., Mrd., Ast., PhD

Findings: According to ASCI records, SCP-3872's biological immortality was caused by a process described as "forbidden molasses-based alchemy." Foundation Alchemist Diaghilev was consulted, and prepared the following report.

Honorable Colleagues,

The alchemical process used on SCP-3872, while slightly crude, is sound. I can say, with some certainty, that this process may work, depending on the humorous composition of the subject. With the planets in the correct retrograde, which I surmise may have occurred in 1857, molasses could have indeed been used in the creation of a stabilization philter.

While said philter may have stabilized the humors indefinitely, it is without a doubt that the inherent balance would be disturbed by such a crude process. An excess of yellow bile, or phlegm may be responsible for the condition that we find SCP-3872 in; however, additional alchemic testing may be required, to confirm.

At this time, most likely it is inadvisable to stabilize SCP-3872's humors, as this would most likely led to the deterioration of the aether, and thus, the cessation of life.

R. Diaghilev, Alchemist of the Seventh Circle.

At this time, the recreation of the process which created SCP-3872 is not advised, as the obvious mental deterioration is an unacceptable risk for biological immortality.