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Esoteric

SCP-3466

Only Birdbrains Live the American Dream

Object Class: Esoteric

Regular meeting place of SCP-3466. Photo taken prior to Incident-3466-02.

Special Containment Procedures

Full containment is deferred to GoI-466 (Wilson's Wildlife Solutions) as per the Boring Agreement1. In summary of the Fourth Amendment of the Boring Agreement, instances of SCP-3466 are to be provided with activities that emulate employment and provided pay.

In case of a containment breach in which SCP-3466 is unable to be retrieved by GoI-466, Site-64's local MTF Beta-4 ("Castaways")2 is to assume full containment of SCP-3466 and keep them within the confines of Site-64's aviary enclosure. Site-64 is to implement Backup Containment Procedures, detailed further in the Fourth Amendment of the Boring Agreement.

For more details on the Boring Agreement, contact Site-64 administration for an up-to-date copy.

Description

SCP-3466 is a large murder of American crows (Corvus brachyrhynchos) which makes permanent residence in Clackamas County, Oregon, in particular in the town of Boring. Testing on crows in this murder commonly yields higher-than-average scores in problem solving, communication, facial recognition and initiative, as compared to other crows of similar species in the same region. Instances of SCP-3466 also appear to have a heightened sense of currency and business, bordering on sapient though not confirmed. Whether SCP-3466 uses anomalous methods to obtain real estate, business licenses, and other legal papers required to run a restaurant in the USA is currently under investigation; the influence of an outside entity has not yet been ruled out.

Initial reports of unusual behavior occurred on 3/16/2013, when GoI-466 received (and shared) several phone calls asking for immediate help with aggressive birds. All callers were attacked outside their homes; many mentioned several takeout food boxes on their doorsteps.

Following this incident, local agents reported back to nearby Site-64, but it was deemed a mundane occurrence of unusually intelligent crows. Confirmed anomalous status and containment was achieved four months later, following Incident-3466-02.

Addendum-3466-B | Suspected Influence of an Outside Entity" id="addendum-3466-a-establishment-of-scp-3466-run-business-incident-3466-02-strongbr-on-7-20-2013-a-burger-king-opened-in-a-previously-abandoned-building-by-a-lot-on-the-clackamas-boring-highway-following-a-call-reporting-the-new-chain-which-had-not-been-reported-to-be-under-construction-to-be-full-of-crows-and-devoid-of-staff-goi-466-sent-two-employees-to-the-scene-the-following-document-was-shared-with-the-scp-foundation-following-the-confirmation-of-anomalous-activity-surrounding-the-crows-what-goi-466-classified-as-slightly-unusual-on-their-unusuality-scale-p-div-classcollapsible-block-div-classcollapsible-block-foldeda-classcollapsible-block-link-hrefjavascriptdocument-3466-466-a-a-div-div-classcollapsible-block-unfolded-styledisplaynone-div-classcollapsible-block-unfolded-linka-classcollapsible-block-link-hrefjavascripthide-a-div-div-classcollapsible-block-content-div-styleborder1px-solid-665731-div-idu-466-stylecolorwhite-background-a3c162padding-15px-div-styletext-align-center-pspan-stylefont-size200response-to-fast-food-crows-span-p-div-div-div-idu-466-stylecolor665731-background-c8e293padding-15px-div-styletext-align-right-pstronggoal-strong-p-div-div-div-idu-466-stylecolor665731-background-d1ed9apadding-15px-pdiscover-intents-functions-any-pertinent-information-of-the-crow-run-burger-king-chain-on-the-clackamas-boring-highway-p-div-div-idu-466-stylecolor665731-background-c8e293padding-15px-div-styletext-align-right-pstrongactors-strong-p-div-div-div-idu-466-stylecolor665731-background-d1ed9apadding-15px-pinvestigator-feather-fanucchibr-investigator-justin-quotchickadeequot-harpbr-caller-vincent-plymouthbr-respondent-gary-harp-p-div-div-idu-466-stylecolor665731-background-c8e293padding-15px-div-styletext-align-right-pstrongreport-strong-p-div-div-div-idu-466-stylecolor665731-background-d1ed9apadding-15px-ptranscriber-feather-fanucchi-p-pquotgary-got-the-call-from-a-man-vincent-plymouth-that-there-was-a-burger-king-on-the-clackamas-boring-highway-myself-and-chickadee-geared-up-and-went-to-the-site-of-the-incident-went-inside-and-all-the-crows-were-actually-doing-jobs-they-focused-on-us-and-we-decided-to-move-towards-the-counter-where-a-bird-with-a-big-burger-king-hat-was-on-the-cash-register-the-menu-was-all-chicken-scratch-but-the-pictures-were-all-what-was-expected-so-we-ordered-two-cheeseburgers-and-a-large-fries-they-couldnt-understand-what-we-said-so-we-pointed-at-the-items-on-the-menu-some-birds-in-the-kitchen-got-to-work-p-pwe-decided-to-let-the-situation-play-itself-out-and-assess-its-threat-and-sat-at-one-of-the-tables-in-about-thirty-minutes-we-had-our-cheeseburgers-brought-to-us-they-forgot-the-fries-and-they-were-normal-burger-king-burgers-unsure-how-they-got-the-ingredients-after-we-were-done-the-crow-from-behind-the-counter-brought-us-blank-receipt-paper-we-estimated-that-two-cheeseburgers-were-probably-two-dollars-so-we-put-down-two-one-dollar-bills-they-didnt-seem-to-understand-that-so-remembering-the-takeout-incident-from-a-few-months-back-chickadee-put-down-some-coins-p-pthe-crows-seemed-very-excited-cawing-and-fluttering-about-sharing-the-coins-chickadee-thought-it-was-amusing-and-dumped-out-his-whole-coin-purse-the-crowd-went-wild-after-some-noise-and-coin-flinging-they-all-seemed-to-calm-down-they-got-quiet-but-piped-back-up-when-we-got-up-to-leave-so-we-sat-back-down-a-big-crow-that-carried-a-tie-around-with-it-gave-a-deep-cackle-and-all-the-crows-scattered-back-into-the-kitchen-or-the-rest-of-the-building-they-seemed-to-guard-the-door-though-so-we-remained-seated-we-didnt-think-this-was-a-threatening-flock-so-we-didnt-want-to-show-any-aggression-after-a-minute-of-silence-one-of-them-brought-us-back-a-mickey-mouse-bobble-head-that-was-clearly-dug-out-of-the-dirt-recently-we-smiled-thanked-it-and-shuffled-out-of-the-building-i-still-have-the-cleaned-bobble-head-on-the-desk-while-highly-abnormal-chickadee-and-i-agree-that-this-does-not-seem-to-be-a-threat-i-feather-suggest-a-peaceful-arrangementquot-p-pedit-8-1-2013-emsuggestion-has-passed-em-p-div-div-idu-466-stylecolor665731-background-c8e293padding-15px-div-styletext-align-right-pstrongresults-strong-p-div-div-div-idu-466-stylecolor665731-background-d1ed9apadding-15px-pwith-permission-and-support-there-seems-to-be-a-lack-of-health-inspectors-the-supervisors-have-allowed-us-to-staff-the-burger-king-from-the-same-hiring-pool-that-we-hire-our-own-workers-and-with-the-same-or-similar-training-see-the-fourth-amendment-of-the-boring-agreement-for-further-details-the-crows-seemed-sad-to-not-be-able-to-staff-the-restaurant-themselves-but-we-now-give-them-a-fraction-of-the-profits-only-coins-and-allow-them-in-on-meetings-we-feed-them-burger-king-burgers-and-we-allow-them-to-deliver-takeout-to-the-wilsons-wildlife-solutions-offices-at-night-morale-for-both-parties-has-been-soaring-since-then-except-for-sarah-gardner-we-make-sure-she-doesnt-see-the-birds-p-pas-per-requests-they-arent-allowed-with-any-paraphernalia-in-public-i-gary-harp-suggest-that-we-have-more-meetings-our-black-feathered-buddies-really-really-like-the-meetings-p-pedit-9-25-2013-emsuggestion-has-passed-em-p-div-div-idu-466-stylecolorwhite-background-a3c162padding-15px-div-styletext-align-center-pspan-stylefont-size120status-dealt-withbr-reported-affirmativebr-further-action-expected-spanbr-good-job-guys-p-div-div-div-div-div-div-pstrongaddendum-3466-b-suspected-influence-of-an-outside-entity">Addendum-3466-A | Establishment of SCP-3466 Run Business (Incident-3466-02)
On 7/20/2013, a Burger King opened in a previously abandoned building by a lot on the Clackamas-Boring Highway. Following a call reporting the new chain (which had not been reported to be under construction) to be full of crows and devoid of staff, GoI-466 sent two employees to the scene. The following document was shared with the SCP Foundation following the confirmation of anomalous activity surrounding the crows (what GoI-466 classified as Slightly Unusual on their Unusuality Scale).

Addendum-3466-B | Suspected Influence of an Outside Entity
An MTF Beta-4 / GoI-466 joint investigation of the building yielded a scattered pile of legal papers on the desk of the manager's office. Along with all expected papers, a paper that appears to imply the transaction through which SCP-3466 acquired the Burger King was found. The document is transcribed below:

Along with the paper, a pile of business cards promoting a "Dr. Cawthorne: Doctorate in Business" was found. While some words such as "Prime Dealer of Big Bird Feeders!" were legible, others, such as the phone number and address, were written in short vertical marks.