SCP-1478

Description

SCP-1478 is a group of fifty-four (54) saguaro cacti (Carnegiea gigantea) located in the Sonoran Desert. All specimens of SCP-1478 are visually indistinguishable from non-anomalous cacti of the same species. Objects exhibit full sentience and sapience and often vocalize without apparent means to do so. Groups of these cacti will often converse with each other about topics primarily focused on their immediate area or neighbors.

If allowed to converse with subjects outside of their species, SCP-1478 will consistently advise the subjects in desert or American southwestern topics, usually while presenting erroneous information. No instance of SCP-1478 has exhibited hostile behavior; however, the objects will often refuse to participate in conversation for a number of arbitrary reasons. Personnel are to comply to these demands if they are within reason in order to gain information from SCP-1478.

When a person conversing with these objects fails to meet its requirements, that person will be transfigured into an instance of SCP-1478. This process has been reported to be painful, but instantaneous. Additionally, persons who have been transformed into an instance of SCP-1478 are able to perceive their prior places of occupation through unknown means. The significance and vector for this trait are currently unknown.
Interview Log-1478-Tau:

Interviewed: SCP-1478-01

Interviewer: Agent Jason Myers

Foreword: The following log was taken during primary discovery of SCP-1478. Agents arriving from Site 23 were attired in the standard black suits.

<Begin Log>

Myers: Hello.

SCP-1478-01: Hey! Say, ain't you hot in that suit? Yer likely to overheat if yer not careful.

Myers: Please, don’t worry about me. It’s really not important, I’ll be gone in a minute. Now, if you would, please tell me about this colony.

SCP-1478-01: Not important? Sir, I must protest. The desert is mighty dangerous. Y'all goin' to have to change before I start talkin'.

[Futher attempts at questioning the subject at this point yield no results other than requests that Myers dress in a manner that would be appropriate for the environment. Agent Myers leaves the scene to a retrieve a hat from the nearest city. Myers returns wearing a fedora, and once again attempts to converse with SCP-1478-01.]

SCP-1478-01: You pulling my leg? That ain't enough to shade ya! Yer gonna need something with a wide brim. And what'd I say about them suits? All y'all, git fitted proper.

Myers: [sighs heavily] Please, just answer our questions. I don’t think changing for a two minute long interview is really worth going all the way—

SCP-1478-01: Not worth it? Not worth it?! Boy, do you know what happens when folks don’t bother preparin’ themselves fer the desert?

<End Log>

Closing Statement: At the cessation of this interview, Agent Myers was transfigured into an instance of SCP-1478. All personnel from now on are to be dressed in appropriate clothing for the desert as determined by SCP-1478 while interviewing the objects.

Interview Log-1478-Chi:

Interviewed: SCP-1478-16

Interviewer: Agent Alexander Fredricks

Foreword: For the purpose of this interview, Agent Fredricks has been adorned in a sombrero and a poncho.

<Begin Log>

Fredricks: Hello.

SCP-1478-16: Howdy, pardner.

Fredricks: Could you please tell me abo—

SCP-1478-16: Whoa there, slick. I can’t understand you a spit with yer thick accent. Yer gonna hafter talk in a way I can hear ya.

Fredricks: Um… right. Well, perdner, I was wonderin’ if, er, you could inform me aboot this here colony. I reckon.

SCP-1478-16: Oh shucks, yer wantin’ to know about us? Well, we’re just some humble folks out here in th’ Sonoran, makin’ our livin’, you know. Shoot, I never introduced myself, did I? Th’ name’s Braxton. Arnold Braxton.

Fredricks: Arnold Braxton? The ex—I mean, uh, you the feller that disappeared from Reno ten years ago? [Fredricks attempts to spit on the ground.]

SCP-1478-16: ‘sho ‘nuff. I used t’ work fer dem casiners, but I ended up here one day and thought, “Aw heck, I don’t need no stinkin’ city slicker tellin’ me what t’ do! I got e’erythin’ I need right here.” So I stayed. I keep one eye on them, though, just in case they try ‘n’ do somethin’ funny.

Fredricks: How do you reckon that you managed to do that?

SCP-1478-16: You got broken eyes ‘r somethin’? They’re e’erywhere! Y’ can’t take two steps without bumpin' into a goddamn slot machine.

Fredricks: And what are they up to?

SCP-1478-16: Swindlin' people. Ol' Roberson finally got fired from there. Good riddance, he probably was dementia'd or somet'in' th' whole time he worked there. An' somethin' about a robbery.¹

Fredricks: Shucks, thanks. I think that’ll be it for now.

SCP-1478-16: Y’all take care now, y’hear?

<End Log>

Interview Log-1478-Psi:

Interviewed: SCP-1478-054

Interviewer: Agent Fredricks

Foreword: SCP-1478-054 has been positively identified as possessing the mind of Agent Myers.

<Begin Log>

Fredricks: Hey Jason.

SCP-1478-54: [sighs] Hey Alex.

Fredricks: How are you holding up?

SCP-1478-54: Terribly. All these stupid cacti keep speaking in awful fake accents and it’s driving me up the wall. It’s so obvious that none of them have ever actually grown up with these. If I had movable arms and a head, I would have torn out my eardrums by now.

Fredricks: That bad, huh?

SCP-1478-54: You don’t even know. Hey… I know you’re not here just to chat; that’s not how we work. Let’s just get to it, please.

Fredricks: Right. I’m sorry, Jason. Now, have you noticed any changes since the transfiguration?

SCP-1478-54: Well, for starters, I feel mentally connected with all these other cacti. Like, I feel their minds, and it’s… I don’t know, I just feel it. I can tell who these people used to be but just aren't anymore. Well, except for one of them. That one, it doesn't seem like it used to be human, and I can hear a very, very loud voice coming from it. It just… wants us to be Southern. I don't understand why, and it just… I don't get it.

Fredricks: I see. Where is this one located?

SCP-1478-54: About ten meters to your left. Don't get too close to it, I think that it's testy. It'd probably make you into a cactus, too.

Fredricks: I see. Anything else?

SCP-1478-54: I somehow know what’s going on over at Site 23. I don’t see it, I don’t hear anything, I just kinda know. Like, some idiot broke the vending machine yesterday, right? The new Jackson kid. I know it’s true.

Fredricks: Okay, got it. Final remarks?

SCP-1478-54: This is probably a side effect of the connection thing, but I feel like the other cacti are, I don’t know… infecting me? I feel like I’m slowly becoming more and more like them. I said “ain’t” yesterday, Al. I never fucking say “ain’t,” it’s the worst word in the history of language, but I fucking said “ain’t” and, well, look at it. It’s happening.

Fredricks: Understood. Thank you.

<End Log>